Offensive Jokes / Recent Jokes

Communications Decency Act
The government of the United States has passed a law which makes it a crime to transmit indecent materials over the Internet. As a citizen of this great country I plan to fully comply with that law.
From now on, whenever I get the urge to use an offensive word in e-mail I will substitute the name of an offensive politician. I urge you to do the same.
The beauty of this approach is that they can't easily ban these new naughty words without changing their own names. I know I could get in trouble for suggesting such a thing, but I don't give a flying Buchanan what they think. And if they don't like it they can come over here and kiss my Gingrich.

Hopefully, all the humor-impaired and those who can't understand warnings have lost interest, so here we go with more Clinton jokes (offensive to Bill Clinton and his fans, Arkansas, etc.):
Did you hear they changed Highway 69 in Arkansas to the Bill Clinton Highway?
That's because it's real slick, real crooked, doesn't go anywhere, and it's got a yellow stripe down the middle.
Clinton went to Arkansas for a visit. When he returned, he was asked if he got any strange stuff while there.
"Sure did," he replied. Did you pay for it? he was asked.
"Why no," he answered,"Them hookers don't charge kin."
Clinton and Dan Quayle had a spelling contest.
Clinton lost because he thought "harass" was two words.
Q: Why is Hillary against sending U.S. troops to Bosnia or Haiti?
A: She's afraid Bill will run off to college again!
Q: Why did Clinton go to Russia?
A: He was homesick.

How offensive is that? Jesus has just been nailed to the cross and has begun to suffer from the wounds, A crowd has gathered to watch and sympathize with Him. As Jesus looks out over the gathering he calls to one of his apostle's. "Paul... Paul," He calls out.Paul hears his name and comes to the front of the gathering. "Yes Jesus, how may I serve you" he exclaims. Just then a guard comes up to Paul, cuts Paul's right arm off with his sword, and throws him back into the crowd, saying "No one is allowed to speak with the prisoner!" Jesus once again calls his name. "Paul...Paul", he calls. Paul, determined goes to the front of the gathering again. There he meets the same gaurd who this time cuts off the left arm, and both legs and throws him back into the crowd.Jesus yells out once again, "Paul,...Paul". Paul, who is now lying on his back on the ground attempts to roll to the front of the gathering. The guard seeing this determination and more...

In view of recent admonitions against jokes maligning any
class of people, I thought I'd put together some examples
of humor that are approved within the Tandem Values. Note
how these jokes arise from existing ones that are not
permitted, showing that humor can be found anywhere.
WRONG: Why can't blondes take coffee breaks?
This joke is offensive to two classes of people, blondes and
coffee drinkers. It might also offend people who do not drink
coffee for religious reasons.
RIGHT: Why can't pigmentally-challenged individuals take a short
rest between job tasks?
Because the Mail Police are reading this joke.
WRONG: How do you kill a pink elephant?
This joke has many problems, as it is offensive to environmentalists,
vegetarians, and elephants of all colors. It also promotes racism
and classism among elephants, and, perhaps, among other species as
well. It should not be sent to the HUMOR sig for these reasons.
RIGHT: more...

Ways to be Offensive at a Funeral
1. Tell the widow that the deceased's last wish was that she make love with you
2. Tell the undertaker that he can't close the coffin until you find your contact lens.
3. Punch the body and tell people that he hit you first.
4. Tell the widow that you're the deceased's gay lover.
5. Ask someone to take a snapshot of you shaking hands with the deceased.
6. At the cemetery, play taps on a kazoo.
7. Walk around tellin people that you've seen the will and they're not in it.
8. Ask the widow to give you a kiss.
9. Drive behind the widow's limo and keep honking your horn.
10. Tell the undertaker that your dog just died and ask if he can sneak him into the coffin.
11. Put a hard-boiled egg in the mouth of the deceased.
12. Slip a whoopee cushion under the widow.
13. Leave some phony dog poop on top of the deceased.
14. Tell the widow that you have to leave early and ask if the will can be read before more...

People in the mid-west are referring to one another by new slang. Its not uncommon to hear "so who's my Kramer?" anywhere on the streets. Some are insulted by this, because they find it offensive.
Some find it so offensive they refer to it as the "K word". Which in turn offended the underground fringe group "Unknown friends of Superman." Claiming they have referred to the "K word" as Kryptonite since 1982.

Employees are giving coffee giant Starbucks complaints with their choice to label skim-milk and sugar free varieties of their drinks "skinny".

Equally offensive is the company's choice to label four sugars and cream "type II diabetic".