Neighbours Jokes / Recent Jokes

1.) Order pizza and other food to their house and pick it up at their doorstep claiming that you don't have a phone. 2.) Stand over the plants in your yard with a hose and Scream, "I have your life in my hands, bow down to me!". Then point at each one and declare them good or bad plants, while watering the bad ones. 3.) Bring them restraining orders on inanimate objects in their house. (ie: chairs, books, lamps, etc.) 4.) Ask them if you can put your trash in their cans, if they ask why say, "Mine are full of bodies", then stutter and say, "I uh mean other garbage." walk away laughing hysterically. 5.) Patrol the perimeter of your yard while carrying a broom. If they come close state that there is a 3 foot neutral area between the two yards. 6.) At night transplant the plants in their garden. In the morning say, "looks like they're on the move again." 7.) When they're watching TV, pull a lawn chair behind their window. Sit down with popcorn and more...

A colleague, called Terry, told me this in the pub some time ago
He was asked by his neighbours to look after their flat whilst they were away for a four week cruise. They gave him a spare set of keys and their alarm system number and asked him to feed their tropical fish, kept in a large aquarium, and their cat. There was plenty of fish food and a whole cupboard full of Kit-e-Kat so all he needed to do was pop round once a day and feed the cat and the fish.
He did this regularly for the first week, but eventually he started staying in the pub late and having one drink too many and so completely forgot to check the flat out.
Finally, he got a phone call from his neighbour who said that their liner was due to dock at Southampton the next day and they would be back the day after and, by the way, how are the fish and the cat?
Lying blindly, he said that they were all fine, no problem at all and then rushed round to their flat as soon as he had hung up the phone.
As more...

THE FOSTERS AD DURING THE OLYMPICS
I don't have a kangaroo for a pet
I don't wrestle with crocodiles And I don't wear a cork hat
I fight wars but never start wars I would rather make peace
I can wear my country's flag with pride
I am a rock I am the ocean I am the island continent
My neighbours are the Smiths, the Wilson's, the Santerellis,
the De Costis, the Wong's and the Jakamarras
I play football without a helmet
I like beetroot on my hamburger
I ride in the front seat of the taxi
I believe it's a prawn not a shrimp
I believe the world is round and down under is on top
I believe Australia is the best address on Earth
And Australians brew the best beer.

now..... THE REAL AUSSIE

I ate my pet Kangaroo
I am shit scared of crocodiles And I wear a baseball cap
I love star wars And the wookie is my favourite
I would rather get pissed
And watch someone else carry the country's more...