Mormon Jokes / Recent Jokes

A Catholic, a Baptist, and a Mormon are bragging about the size of their families.
"I have four boys and my wife is expecting another. One more son and I'll have a basketball team!" said the Catholic.

"That's nothing!'' said the Baptist.' 'I have ten boys now, and my wife is pregnant with another child. One more son and I'll have a football team!"

"You both should be ashamed of yourselves!'' said the Mormon.' 'I have seventeen wives. One more and I'll have a golf course!"

After attending a business meeting, a Jewish, a Catholic and a Mormon man were enjoying drinks at a bar.
Bragging about his virility, the Jewish man said, "I now have four sons. One more and I'll have a basketball team."
The Catholic man chuckled at the Jewish man's accomplishment and stated, "That's nothing. I have ten sons. One more and I'll have a football team."
"You guy don't have a clue. I have seventeen wives. One more and I'll have a golf course," the Mormon man proudly declared.

When the airline Captain announced they were flying over Salt Lake City, Utah, a woman told the man sitting beside her, "I understand this is the home of the Mormon religion where husbands believe it's OK to have more than one wife." That's true," he replied, "as a matter of fact I happen to be a Mormon myself and have nine wives." "How disgusting,"she said,"you should be ashamed of yourself, such practices should be against the law and you ought to be hung." With a slight grin, he just said, "Yes, mam I am."

A Mormon bishop, a Catholic priest, and a TV evangelist were fishing
from a boat in the middle of a small lake. The priest realized that
he'd left his tackle box in his car, and, not wanting to disturb the
other two, got out of the boat and walked over the water to the shore,
got his gear, walked back, and started fishing.
An hour or so passed, and the bishop began to feel a little hungry.
His lunch was back in his car, though... So, he got out of the
boat, walked over the water, got his lunch, came back, and nibbled on
his sandwich.
The evangelist, not to be outdone, decided that he'd best go for a
walk, too. He mumbled something about going to the bathroom, stood
up, stepped over the side of the boat... and splashed into the lake.
The priest, chuckling, said to the bishop, "Think we should've told
him about those submerged rocks?" Said the bishop, "what rocks??"
- Michael.

Why don't mormon's make love standing up?
They worry that it could lead to dancing.

Green jell-o with carrots mixed in doesn't seem strange.

You can pronounce Tooele.

The U is not just a letter - Neither is the Y.

You are not surprised to hear words like "Darn, Fetch, Flip", "Oh, My Heck" and "Shoot".

Your tulips get snowed on three times after they come up and twice more after they bloom.

Hunting season is a school holiday.

The largest liquor store is the state government.

You can go skiing and play golf on the same day.

30% humidity is muggy and almost unbearable.

Somewhere in your family tree is a polygamist.

You know the difference between a' Steak House' and a' Stake House'.

You can see the stars at night

You were an aunt or uncle before you were three.

Your spouse's mother was pregnant at your wedding.

You have more children than you can find biblical names for.

Your more...

: The following is taken word-for-word from a Mormon pamphlet,' For Young Men Only', published a number years ago.

The Mormon's Guide to Avoiding Masturbation:

1. Pray daily. Ask for the gifts of the spirit which will strengthen you against temptation. Pray fervently and out loud when the temptations are strongest. When the temptation to masturbate is strong, yell' STOP' to those thoughts as loudly as you can in your mind. Then recite a portion of the Bible or sing a hymn.

2. Set a goal of abstinence. Begin with a day, then a week, a month and year. Finally, commit yourself to never doing it again. Make a pocket calendar for a month on a small card. Carry it with you but show it to no one. If you masturbate, colour that day black. Your goal will be to have no black days.

3. Set up a reward system. Each time you reach a goal reward yourself with a quarter.

4. When on the toilet or showering, leave the door partly more...