Merchant Jokes / Recent Jokes

Mama goes shopping and scrutinizes everything. Here is how her shopping went..Mama: "I don't like the looks of this whitefish."Merchant: "Lady, for looks you don't buy whitefish; you buy goldfish."Mama: "Oy, and this chicken, it has a broken leg."Merchant: "Look lady, you gonna eat it or dance with it?"Mama: "And before you weigh the meat, take out the bones."Merchant: "Lady, I buy with bones; you'll buy with bones."Mama: "I don't pay with bones."Merchant: "All right, no bones."Mama: "Thank you, you are a gentleman. Now put the bones in a separate bag for soup. And never mind the meat. I don't like your meat anyhow."

Three nuns went to a cucumber stand in an open market one day.They asked how much the cucumbers were. The merchant said thatthey were 4 for a dollar. The nuns said okay.The puzzled merchant asked why they needed four cucumbers whenthere were only three of them.A nun answered back, "Well, we could alway eat one."

Tiger Woods' longtime adviser, John Merchant, blamed Michael Jordan and Charles Barkley for corrupting Woods. Merchant went onto blame Isiah Thomas for global warming and Dominique Wilkins for destroying Atlantis.

A merchant teaches his son the secrets of the trade: "When you charge a customer $100, and he pays you by mistake $200, you have an ethical dilemma -- should you tell your partner?"

A woman walks into the butcher shop just before closing. She says, "Thank Heavens I've made it in time! Have you any turkey?" The butcher opens his fridge and takes out his only turkey, and plops it onto the scale. It weighs 4 1/2 pounds.

"Ah, haven't you anything bigger?" the woman inquires. The butcher returns the turkey to the fridge, takes it out again, and plops it onto the scale, only this time, he keeps his thumb on the turkey. The scale shows 7 1/4 pounds.

"Marvelous!" says the woman. "I'll have both of them please."

There were two grocers, Smith and Jones, in the same street. Smith had a sign in his window, "Avocados, 20 pence a pound". A woman goes in and asks for some. "Sorry love", said Smith, "I haven't got any in just now; come back on Wednesday".

So she goes on up the street to Jones. But his avocados are 2 pounds-fifty a pound! But at least he has them in stock.
"That's a bit steep isn't it? Smith's are only 20 pence a pound".
"Yeah", says Jones, "and when I haven't got any in stock, mine also are only 20 pence a pound!"

A merchant sent an order to a distributor for a large amount of goods totaling a great deal of money.

The distributor, noting that the previous bill hadn't been paid, told the collections manager to check it. The collections manager left a voice-mail for them saying, "We can't ship your new order until you pay for the last one."

The next day the collections manager received a collect phone call, "Please cancel the order. We can't wait that long."