Mental health Jokes / Recent Jokes
How many psychologists does it take to change a light bulb? None. The light bulb will change itself when its ready.
After hearing that one of the patients in a mental hospital had saved another from a suicide attempt by pulling him out of a bathtub, the hospital director reviewed the rescuers file and called him into his office."Mr. Haroldson, your records and your heroic behavior indicate that youre ready to go home. Im only sorry that the man you saved later killed himself with a rope around the neck.""Oh, he didnt kill himself," Mr. Haroldson replied. "I hung him up to dry."
A doctor of psychology was doing his normal morning rounds when he entered a patients room. He found Patient #1 sitting on the floor, pretending to saw a piece of wood in half. Patient #2 was hanging from the ceiling, by his feet. The doctor asked patient number 1 what he was doing. The patient replied, "Cant you see Im sawing this piece of wood in half?" The doctor inquired of Patient #1 what Patient #2 was doing. Patient #1 replied, "Oh. Hes my friend, but hes a little crazy. He thinks hes a lightbulb." The doctor looks up and notices Patient #2s face is going all red. The doctor asks Patient #1, "If hes your friend, you should get him down from there before he hurts himself" Patient #1 replies, "What? And work in the dark?"
Joe has been seeing a psychoanalyst for four years for treatment of the fear that he had monsters under his bed. It had been years since he had gotten a good nights sleep. Furthermore, his progress was very poor, and he knew it. So, one day he stops seeing the psychoanalyst and decides to try something different. A few weeks later, Joes former psychoanalyst meets his old client in the supermarket, and is surprised to find him looking well-rested, energetic, and cheerful. "Doc!" Joe says, "Its amazing! Im cured!""Thats great news!" the psychoanalyst says. "you seem to be doing much better. How?""I went to see another doctor," Joe says enthusiastically, "and he cured me in just ONE session!""One?!" the psychoanalyst asks incredulously."Yeah," continues Joe, "my new doctor is a behaviorist.""A behaviorist?" the psychoanalyst asks. "How did he cure you in one session?""Oh, more...
How many Dependent P. D. does to take to change a lightbulb? None, hes still clinging to the old lightbulb.
Doctor, doctor, I cant concentrate, one minute Im ok, and the next minute, Im blank! And how long have you had this complaint? What complaint?
Psychiatrist to Internal Revenue agent on couch: "Nonsense! No way does everyone in the world hate you -- everyone in the US perhaps, but certainly not everyone in the world."