Mental health Jokes / Recent Jokes
A woman entered a psychiatrists consulting room leadind a kangaroo."Im worried about my husband, doctor, " she said. "He keeps thinking hes a kangaroo! "
Psychiatrist to his nurse: "Just say were very busy. Dont keep saying Its a madhouse."
Patient: Doctor, you must help me. Im under such a lot of stress, I keep losing my temper with people. Doctor: Tell me about your problem. Patient: I JUST DID, DIDNT I, YOU STUPID BASTARD!!!
When they arrived at the therapists office, the therapist jumped right in and opened the floor for discussion. "What seems to be the problem?" Immediately, the husband held his long face down without anything to say. On the other hand, the wife began talking 90 miles and hour describing all the wrongs within their marriage. After 5 - - 10 - - 15 minutes of listening to the wife, the therapist went over to her, picked her up by her shoulders, kissed her passionately for several minutes, and sat her back down. Afterwards, the wife sat there - speechless. He looked over at the husband who was staring in disbelief at what had happened. The therapist spoke to the husband, "Your wife NEEDS that at least twice a week!" The husband scratched his head and replied, "I can have her here on Tuesdays and Thursdays."
"Great news, Mr. Oscarson," the psychiatrist reported. "After eighteen months of therapy, I can pronounce you finally and completely cured of your kleptomania. Youll never be trapped by the desire to steal again.""Gee, thats great, Doc," the patient replied."And just to prove it, I want you to stop by Sears on the way home and walk the length of the store. Youll see - youll feel no temptation to shoplift whatsoever.""Oh, Doctor, whatever can I do to thank you?""Well," suggested the psychiatrist, "if you DO have a relapse, I could use a new microwave."
Whats the difference between a psychologist and a magician? A psychologist pulls habits out of rats!