Malaysian Jokes / Recent Jokes

Is this your first trip to Malaysia? Are you a tourist, a businessman or a Mat Salleh expatriate waylaid from the safe haven of Bangsar? If you are, here's some lessons to help you along Lesson 1 You have just landed in Subang International Airport and the first thing you want to do is to call your Malaysian friend. If you're calling him at home or at the office, the first thing to say on the phone is "Eh, what you doing?". If you're calling him on the handphone (cellular phone) the standard greeting is "Eh, where are you?" Lesson 2 Your Malaysian friend has graciously offered to pick you from the airport. He said "Give me half an hour?", be prepared to wait at least one and a half hours. This is probably your first (of many) encounter with Malaysian Timing. There's no need to adjust your watch. Whatever time a Malaysian tells you, just add (minimum) one hour, and you won't go wrong. Lesson 3 You have no friends in Malaysia (yet) and you decide to take a more...

Malaysian Cellular Service Providers and what they really mean: 010 - ART 900 - Always Repair Telephone 011 - ATUR - Absolutely Terrible and Useless Radiophone 012 - Maxis - Moronic And Xtremely Inferior System 013 - TM Touch - Too Many TMTouch Owners Usually Change Handphones 016 - DiGi 1800 - Don't Invest In Garbage Instruments 017 - ADAM - Always Dropping And Malfunctioning 018 - Mobifon - Most Often Bought In Fake Obnoxious Nightmarkets 019 - CELCOM - Cannot Enjoy Line Clarity on Outgoing Messages

Many years ago, there was a high occurrence of helicopters crashing in Malaysia reported in the news. The US government, therefore immediately, sent an expert to investigate. Following a pre-planned schedule, the American expert followed as co-pilot beside a pre-selected Malaysian pilot. Everything went smoothly, the helicopter took off and ascended to the clear blue sky. The helicopter went up and up. The Malaysian pilot then started to behave strangely. He was shivering. Then suddenly, he switched off the ignition switch of engine. The American pilot immediately shouted,' Mayday, mayday!' and furiously questioned the Malaysian pilot for his action. The Malay pilot sneezed the words,' Cold, cold...'

Once upon a time three people were stranded out at sea - A Japanese, a Malaysian and an Indonesian. The boat started leaking and if they do not act fast they would all die. The Japanese (as usual) was the first to take the initiative. He threw all his Japanese gizmo - CD player, hi-fi, radio etc. off the boat. The Malaysian and the Indonesian looked at him in disbelief.
The Japanese said, "Don't worry.. still got a lot more in my country.. BANZAIIIEE!" But the boat was still sinking. The Indonesian without hesitation started throwing aboard all his baju batik, kain batik, keretek, etc., etc. He comforted the other two, "Don't worry.. still have a lot more in my country, paknya". But still the boat was sinking. The Japanese and the Indonesian looked at the Malaysian. Suddenly, without any hesitation and with stride, the Malaysian threw the Indonesian overboard. The poor guy couldn't swim and drowned. The Japanese was shocked. Said the Malaysian, "Don't more...