Malay Jokes

A newly recruited police constable was night patroling on the " Compagna Veediya " (slave Island), suddenly he noticed a van is coming towards Colombo City in extra speed so stopped the van. But the p. c. realized it is so hard to write a complaint because he didn't know how to write " compgna veediya " in sinhala so he let him freed.
Next night he saw the same van was coming to the city high speed, P. C. got into his bike and chased the van to the nearest " malay " street and stopped. He rushed to the driver and asked " what's your name? " --"-punchi singho " was the reply.
" for the first time I will give you a chance. Don't drive that fast" said to the driver and released him.
In the following day the same thing happened and he was able to stop him in the malay street and rushed to the driver but didn't asked his name.
" Oh,,,, you again.. what's inside? "
" Mannokka" ( manioc more...

There are 3 ladies on a flight. Suddenly the pilot informed them that there was a technical problem and the plane was going to crash into the sea.
A chinese lady quickly took her cosmetics set out and started to doll herself up.
A Malay lady beside her questioned her on her actions. The chinese lady replied that if she lookod beautiful, the guys coming to rescue survivors would usually save the pretty ladies first, On hearing this, the Malay lady started to put on all her jewellery.
An Indian woman sitting beside the Malay lady was curious and questioned her.
The Malay lady said that the rescuers would save her because she would easily be identified by the glitter of her jewels.
Then the Indian woman started taking her clothes off.
Both the Chinese and Malay ladies were shocked and questioned her.The Indian woman then replied that rescue teams do not usually look for survivors. They usually look for the "Black Box" first.

There are three major races in Malaysia. They are the Malay, Chinese and Indian. The Malay has the political power and so they set up the party UMNO which literally means "U Must Not Object". While the Chinese controlled the economy and they called their party MCA which means "Money Conquered All". Lastly, the Indian who has no say in politic or economics, set up their party called MIC. Hence, every parliamentary meeting the Indians would ask: "Must I Come?"

One day, one Mat Salleh from USA arrived in Subang Airport. After he checked out from the Custom, he felt that he wanted to go to the toilet, so he looked for a toilet. When he found the toilet, there was an old lady sitting in front of the toilet. When he was about to enter the toilet, the old lady stopped him and said forty cents in Cantonese (Say Kok), the Mat Salleh just wonder why in Malaysia, they have to "see the cock" (forty cents in Cantonese) before entering the toilet. So he said "No", but the old lady insisted. Since he got no choice, he took out his cock and showed to her. The old lady said "no, no, no, Duit, Duit" (money in Malay) but the Mat Salleh misunderstood again because he thought she said "DO IT, DO IT." So, he asked "NOW, HERE?" The old lady just reply "YES, YES" because she does not understand English. The Mat Salleh thought she agreed to have sex with him, so he strip up the old lady and make love to more...

How Singapore got its name Version 1: When Raffles stepped out of his boat on to Boat Quay, a man was running by announcing the birth of his son in hokkien.' see ta poh, see ta poh' Version 2: I thought the story was like this: The malay/indian king, Parameswara, was sleeping under a tree and was dreaming. He was rudely awakened by an animal resembling a lion. So, out of shock, he screamed' Singa porda! Singa porda' (which means,' lion, get lost!') Version 3: When Raffles sailed up the Singapore river for the first time, a malay lady was bathing in the river, having left her clothes on the river bank. A singh came by and stole her clothes. The upset lady started shouting after him,' Singh Kapoh, Singh Kapoh'... Version 4: 'Singapore' was actually translated from the name' Singapura' in Bahasa Malaysia. Story goes that there was a prince that came to our island many many years ago, on an exploration trip. Then he suddenly saw a lion and he named our island' Singapura', which means more...