King Jokes / Recent Jokes
Okay, so. King Arthur is in a heated battle with another king. Now, Arthur has all of his best men in battle, but unfortunatly, he loses. Because kings don't really kill other kings, the king agrees to let Arthur go, if he answers one question. The king asks Arther to find out what a woman wants most. The question must be answered in 1 year's time. Arthur has no idea where to look, so he sends a few of his best soldiers to search for someone who knows what women want. 2 months later, Arthur hears word of a witch who lives up in the northern-most mountains who knows what all women want. Arthur sent his best man, Sir Lancelot Du Lac to find the witch. Sir Lancelot travels for many moons, until one day, he finally finds the witch. He walks into the cave and sees only a bear. He says, "Kind bear, will you please tell me where the witch is?"
The bear replies, "What business do you have here?"
"I need to find out what women want the more...
A king travels through the desert, when he suddenly discovers a man captured under a big rock, he throws a rope around the rock and ties it to his horse and pulls the rock off the man. The man, gratefull as he is, tells the king that he's really a great sorcerer, and gives the king three wishes.
The king looks at the Sorcerer and says "OK, then I wish to be immortal", the sorcerer replies "Puff, it's done." The king takes a knife and stabs himself and nothing happens, then he says "OK, then I want my horse to be immortal." The sorcerer replies "Puff, it's done". The king, happy as can be, stabs his horse and nothing happens, then he says "OK, then I want my horses genitals." The sorcerer replies "Puff, it's done".
The king, still happy, jumps on his horse and rides back to his castle, in the doorway he meets his friend Peter, jumps off the horse and tells Peter that he's now immortal. Peter laughs, but more...
I dreamt last night that I went to Heaven, and I met St. Peter at the Pearly Gates. I asked him that since I arrived in Heaven if I could take a look around the place. St. Peter agreed, and even came along with me to show me around. We went a ways, until we met President Clinton, tied to one of the most ugliest beast you could ever, ever imagine. It was nearly human, probably about 95 years old, 5 inch thick glasses, grease just dripping off its body, muttering every now and then like a sick crow. We asked Willie why he was chained to this awful creature.
Willie replied: "Well, when I used to live on Earth, I committed a number of sins, and now I'm chained to this really ugly old thing as penance."
We wished President Clinton the best of luck, and moved on. A while later we met with none other than Elvis Presley, the King of Rock, and he was tied to another of the most ugliest creatures you could imagine, even worse than the first one. We asked Mr. Presley why he was more...
Once upon a time there lived a king. The king had a beautiful daughter, the princess. But there was a problem. Everything the princess touched would melt.
No matter what; metal, wood, plastic - anything she touched would melt! Because of this, men were afraid of her. Nobody would dare marry her.
The king despaired. What could he do to help his daughter? He consulted his wizards and magicians. One wizard told the king, "If your daughter touches one thing that does not melt in her hands, she will be cured."
The king was overjoyed. The next day, he held a competition. Any man that could bring his daughter an object that would not melt would marry her and inherit the king's wealth. Three young princes took up the challenge.
The first prince brought a very hard alloy of titanium. But alas, once the princess touched it, it melted. The prince went away sadly.
The second prince brought a huge diamond, thinking that diamond is the hardest substance in the world more...
Once upon a time there lived a king. The king had a beautiful daughter.
Everything the girl touched, would melt. No matter what, metal, wood, plastic, etc. Everything she touched would melt! Because of this, men were afraid of her and nobody would dare to marry her.
One day a wizard told the king, "If your daughter touches one thing that would not melt in her hands, her symptom will be cured." The king was overjoyed.
The next day, he held a competition, any man that can bring her daughter an object that would not melt, gets to marry her and inherit the king's wealth.
Three young princes took up the challenge.
The first prince brought a huge diamond, thinking that diamond is the hardest and will not melt. But alas, once the princess touched it, it melted! The prince went away sadly.
The second prince brought a very hard alloy but the same thing happened... so he too went away.
The third prince told the princess "Put your hand in my pocket and more...
Road sign in Roosevelt, Utah: "Rest Area Next Right" - the next right leads a person right into to a cemetery.
A sign in the local opportunity shop says, "If your going to steal, then smile for the camera."
While stopped at an intersection I noticed a man standing on the corner in front of a Burger King. He was holding a ign that read "Will work for food." If he had only looked up, he would have noticed that the Burger King sign directly above him read "Now hiring."
At an office: "This job is only a test had it been an actual job, you would have recieved raises, bonses and promotions."
SEEN ON A BILLBOARD ALONG A HIGHWAY: "Caution: Objects in the mirror may have flunked drivers education."
There was a king who was memorizing a script to tell everyone in the land that everyone got free chocolate. But really it was filled with poison to kill them all. A guard walked by and said in a whisper, "Remember it is filled with poison, but do not say it is filled with poison. Understand?" The King responded, "Yes, I do."
The king was deaf in one ear so he often times missed what people say.
He walked up to the microphone. He said, "I know you all love delicous chocolate. So I've decided to give you all special gift. Who want's to know?" Everyone hollered out "I do!" So the king hollered, "Okay then! Free Poisonous Chocolate for all!"