"Ugly Beast" joke

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I dreamt last night that I went to Heaven, and I met St. Peter at the Pearly Gates. I asked him that since I arrived in Heaven if I could take a look around the place. St. Peter agreed, and even came along with me to show me around. We went a ways, until we met President Clinton, tied to one of the most ugliest beast you could ever, ever imagine. It was nearly human, probably about 95 years old, 5 inch thick glasses, grease just dripping off its body, muttering every now and then like a sick crow. We asked Willie why he was chained to this awful creature.
Willie replied: "Well, when I used to live on Earth, I committed a number of sins, and now I'm chained to this really ugly old thing as penance."
We wished President Clinton the best of luck, and moved on. A while later we met with none other than Elvis Presley, the King of Rock, and he was tied to another of the most ugliest creatures you could imagine, even worse than the first one. We asked Mr. Presley why he was chained to such an ugly thing.
The King replies: "Well, when I used to live on Earth, I committed a number of sins, and now I have to live with this ugly old monster for a while as penance."
We wished the King the best of luck, and moved on.
After a while we met up with Billy Gates, president of Microsoft. Billy Gates just so happened to be chained to one of the most gorgeous, luscious, and sexiest woman you could ever imagine, long blonde hair, blue eyes, long limbs, and a beautiful figure. So, we asked him why they were chained to each other like that.
The woman answered first: "When I used to live on Earth, I committed a number of sins..."

A bored guy sat in the bar and looking to strike up a conversation.
He turns to bartender and says, "Hey, about those Democrats in the Congress . .."
"STOP pal - I don't allow talk about politics in my bar!" interrupted the bartender.
A few more...

Young Boudreaux applied for an engineering job way, way up north in Shreveport. A local man applied for the same job and both applicants, having the same qualifications, were asked to take a test by the department manager.Upon completion of the test, both men missed only one more...

Knock Knock
Who's there?
Wilma!
Wilma who?
Wilma lunch be ready soon?

What goes "snap, crackle and pop"? A firefly with a short circuit!

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911

Sharifah is explaining to Pei Lee the bad day she'd had at work. Sharifah's boss had suffered a heart attack and died. Pei Lee said, "How horrible! What did you do?" Sharifah shook her head. "There was nothing I could do! He kept yelling at me to call 911, but he more...

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