Life & Style magazine reports that, according to a source close to the family, Katie Holmes' parents are extremely unhappy that their daughter is not marrying in a "proper" Catholic ceremony, and may not attend.
Of course if it were a proper Catholic ceremony, God would no doubt be extremely unhappy, as Katie is a fornicating whore who had a baby out of wedlock, and Tom is a suspected sodomite.
On hearing that her elderly grandfather had just passed away, Katie wentstraight to her grandparent's house to visit her 95 year old grandmotherand comfort her. When she asked how her grandfather had died, her grandmother replied, "He had a heart attack while we were making love on Sunday morning."Horrified, Katie told her grandmother that 2 people nearly 100 years oldhaving sex would surely be asking for trouble."Oh no, my dear, " replied granny. "Many years ago, realizing our advancedage, we figured out the best time to do it was when the church bells wouldstart to ring. It was just the right rhythm. Nice and slow and even. Nothing too strenuous, simply in on the Ding and out on the Dong." She paused, wiped away a tear and then continued, "and if that damned ice cream truck hadn't come along, he'd still be alive today!"
Katie Couric is getting a new set built for her "CBS Evening News" debut as well as a new theme song created by Oscar Award winning composer, James Horner.
Couric initially tried using singer Kelis’ “Milkshake” after learning that "The Today Show" was using The Pussy Cat Dolls’ “Don’t Cha” to welcome Meredith Viera.
Katie Couric's assumption of the network news throne has proven to be a success; sources revealed recently that during focus groups to determine Couric's popularity a nugget of Captain Crunch cereal was placed in a swivel chair, when groups responded favorably the network knew it was a bright idea. Couric plans to leave 5 minutes each night at the end of the broadcast to inform the public of new gingerbread recipes as well as ways to get stains out of a much-loved but well-worn shirt.
Maggie Gyllenhaal is in final talks to star opposite Christian Bale
in Christopher Nolan's "The Dark Knight," the next installment in the revitalized Batman franchise. She'll play the role of Rachel Dawes, played by Katie Holmes in "Batman Begins." Holmes dropped out of theproject earlier in the year.
It is speculated that Holmes was persuaded not to do the film by husband Tom Cruise. Cruise is upset that Batman is not a Scientologist - he is a Reform Jew. Also, it is widely known that Batman takes Prozac, and drives around in a Batmobile, not a spaceship.