Judy Jokes / Recent Jokes

Father: What's wrong, Judy? Usually you talk on the phone for hours. This time you only talked half an hour. How come?

Judy: It was the wrong number.

As soon she heard her elderly grandfather had just passed away, Judy went straight to her grandmother. When she asked how he had died, her grandma explained, "He suffered a heart attack during sex on Sunday morning."
Horrified, Judy suggested that shagging at the age of 95 was surely asking for trouble. "Oh no dear," her grandma replied, "we had sex every Sunday morning, in time with the church bells - in with the dings and out with the dongs."
Grandma paused for a moment, wiped a tear from her eye, and continued, "Had it not been for that damn ice cream truck going by, he'd still be alive."

Due to cut backs, a company manager was instructed by his boss to lay off one of his employees, either Judy or Jack. It was going to be a tough decision for him since Judy had been a devoted employee for a number of years and Jack was a good worker with a family to support.
The manager tossed and turned the whole night, trying to decide which one it would be. Finally, he came to the decision that it would be the first one who came to work the followng day.
The next morning, the manager was waiting at the office to see which one of the two would arrive first. At 8:50 Judy walked into the office. The manager approached her and said, "I have a very difficult decision to make. I either have to lay you or Jack off."
"Oh, jack-off," Judy replied. "I've got a migraine."

Blonde Judy, the editor of a trivia publication, was having trouble with her computer.
She called John, the computer guy, over to her desk.
John clicked a couple buttons and solved the problem.
As he was walking away, Judy called after him, "So, what was wrong?"
He replied, "It was an ID ten T error."
A puzzled expression ran riot over Judy's face. "An ID ten T error? What's that... in case I need to fix it again??"
He gave her a grin... ;-)... "Haven't you ever heard of an ID ten T error before?"
"No," replied Judy.
"Write it down," he said, "and I think you'll figure it out."
This is what she wrote...
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V
I D 1 0 T

1. If they want to loan you money, tell them you just filed for bankruptcy and you could sure use some money.

2. If they start out with, "How are you today?" say, "I'm so glad you asked, because no one these days seems to care, and I have all these problems. My arthritis is acting up, my eyelashes are sore, my dog just died. . . "

3. If they say they're John Doe from XYZ Company, ask them to spell their name. Then ask them to spell the company name. Then ask them where it is located, how long it has been in business, how many people work there, how they got into this line of work if they are married, how many kids they have, etc. Continue asking them personal questions or questions about their company for as long as necessary.

4. This works great if you are male. Telemarketer: "Hi, my name is Judy and I'm with XYZ Company." You: Wait for a second and with a real husky voice ask, "What are you more...

Judy arrived home from her date, tossed her coat over a chair, her handbag over the banister, she threw her clothes around the bedroom without care. The next morning at breakfast, her mother asked her if she had a good time?" Oh", sighed Judy, "I had a wonderful time." "I thought as much", her mother remarked, "Your underpants are still stuck to the ceiling!"

Two blondes decided to rob a bank together. The first blonde, Judy plans the robbery and goes over the plan with the second blonde, Buffie, in great detail.
The robbery begins.
Judy drives up in front of the bank, stops the car and says to Buffie, "I want to make absolutely sure you understand the plan. You are supposed to be in and out of the bank in no more than three minutes with the cash. Do you understand the plan?"
"Perfectly," said Buffie.
Buffie goes in the bank while Judy waits in the getaway car.
One minute passes...
Two minutes pass...
Seven minutes pass... and Judy is really stressing out.
Finally, the bank doors burst open! And here comes Buffie. She's got a safe wrapped up in rope and is dragging it to the car.
About the time she gets the safe in the trunk of the car, the bank doors burst open again with the security guard coming out.
The guard's pants and underwear are down around his ankles while he is firing more...