Johnnie Jokes / Recent Jokes

Sally, goes on her first camping trip. Her husband, who was a Scout Leader, was sick so she volunteered to take over for him one weekend. So, she got everyone together and assigned different duties to each scout.

Gabby was responsible for the food supplies, Mike would be the cook this trip, Johnnie was responsible for their maps and making up a time schedule, Tim was to decide on their events, and to fit them into Johnnie's schedule and Sally would test all their equipment before setting out.

They arrived at Big Moose Mountain and everyone was excited. They arrived right on schedule and were getting ready for their first event - hiking up the mountain. But first, they wanted to get something to eat. So Sally asked Mike if he would prepare the meal and, of course, Mike said he would.

About 10 minutes later he came back and told Sally, "I can't make the supper. I can't light a fire with the matches you brought."

Sally replied, more...

The kindergarten class had a homework assignment to find out about
something exciting and relate it to the class the next day.
When the time came for the little kids to give their reports, the teacher was calling on them one at a time.
She was reluctant to call upon little Johnnie, since he sometimes could be a bit crude.
But eventually his turn came. Little Johnnie walked up to the front of the class, and with a piece of chalk, made a small white dot on the blackboard, then sat back down.
Well the teacher couldn't figure out what Johnnie had in mind for his report on something exciting, so she asked him just what that was. "It's a period," reported Johnnie.
"Well I can see that," she said. "But what is so exciting about a period."
"Damned if I know," said Johnnie, "but this morning my sister said she missed one...
Then Daddy had a heart attack, Mommy fainted, and the guy next door shot himself!"

The kindergarten class had a homework assignment to find out about something exciting and relate it to the class the next day. When the time came for the little kids to give their reports, the teacher was calling on them one at a time. She was reluctant to call upon little Johnnie, knowing that he sometimes could be a bit crude.But eventually his turn came. Little Johnnie walked up to the front of the class, and with a piece of chalk, made a small white dot on the blackboard, then sat back down. Well the teacher couldn't figure out what Johnnie had in mind for his report on something exciting, so she asked him just what that was."It's a period" reported Johnnie. "Well I can see that" she said. "But what is so exciting about a period?""Damned if I know" said Johnnie, "but this morning my sister said she missed one. Then Daddy had a heart attack, Mommy fainted and the man next door shot himself."

Johnnie says, "I'm too smart for the first grade. My sister's in the third grade and I'm smarter than she is! I think I should be in the third grade!" The teacher had had enough. As a result, she took Johnnie to the principal's office and explained Johnnie's request. While Johnnie waited in the outer office, the teacher explained the situation to the principal. The principal told Johnnie's teacher that he would give the boy a test and if Johnnie failed to answer any of the special questions he was to go back to the first grade and behave. The teacher agreed. Johnnie was brought into the room. The principal told Johnnie his terms and Johnnie agreed. Principal: "What is 3 x 3?" Johnnie: "9" Principal: "What is 6 x 6?" Johnnie: "36" Principal: "What is 9 x 9?" Johnnie: "81" And so it went with every question the principal thought a third grader should know. Johnnie appeared to have a strong case. The principal looked more...

The kindergarten class had a homework assignment to find out about something exciting and relate it to the class the next day. When the time came for the little kids to give their reports, the teacher was calling on them one at a time.
She was reluctant to call upon little Johnnie, knowing that he sometimes could be a bit crude. But eventually his turn came. Little Johnnie walked up to the front of the class, and with a piece of chalk, made a small white dot on the blackboard, then sat back down. Well the teacher couldn't figure out what Johnnie had in mind for his report on something exciting, so she asked him just what that was.
"It's a period," reported Johnnie.
"Well I can see that," she said. "But what is so exciting about a period."
"Damned if I know," said Johnnie, "but this morning my sister said she missed one. Then Daddy had a heart attack, Mommy fainted and the man next door shot himself."

The kindergarten class had a homework assignment to find out about
something exciting and relate it to the class the next day.
When the time came for the little kids to give their reports, the teacher was calling on them one at a time.
She was reluctant to call upon little Johnnie, since he sometimes could be a bit crude.
But eventually his turn came. Little Johnnie walked up to the front of the class, and with a piece of chalk, made a small white dot on the blackboard, then sat back down.
Well the teacher couldn't figure out what Johnnie had in mind for his report on something exciting, so she asked him just what that was. "It's a period," reported Johnnie.
"Well I can see that," she said. "But what is so exciting about a period."
"Damned if I know," said Johnnie, "but this morning my sister said she missed one....
Then Daddy had a heart attack, Mommy fainted, and the guy next door shot himself!"

The kindergarten class had a homework assignment to find out aboutsomething exciting and relate it to the class the next day.When the time came for the little kids to give their reports, the teacher was calling on them one at a time.She was reluctant to call upon little Johnnie, since he sometimes could be a bit crude.But eventually his turn came. Little Johnnie walked up to the front of the class, and with a piece of chalk, made a small white dot on the blackboard, then sat back down.Well the teacher couldn't figure out what Johnnie had in mind for his report on something exciting, so she asked him just what that was. "It's a period," reported Johnnie."Well I can see that," she said. "But what is so exciting about a period.""Damned if I know," said Johnnie, "but this morning my sister said she missed one....Then Daddy had a heart attack, Mommy fainted, and the guy next door shot himself!"