Johnnie Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    Johnnie's request

    Hot 7 years ago

    Johnnie wanted $100 to buy a remote control car, so he prayed like crazy for two weeks... but nothing happened.
    Johnnie decided to write God an urgent letter, requesting $100. When the post office received the letter addressed to God, USA, they forwarded the letter to the president.
    The president was so amused by the letter that he told his secretary to send Johnnie a $5 bill, figuring this would appear to be a lot of money to a little boy.
    When Johnnie received the cash, he was so delighted that he wrote a thank you note which read:
    Dear God:
    Thank you very much for sending the money. However, I noticed that you sent it through Washington, D.C. Next time, don't do that because, as usual, those jerks took 95%.

    Interesting topic!

    Hot 7 years ago

    A stranger was seated next to Little Johnnie on the plane when the stranger turned to the boy and said, "Let's talk. I've heard that flights will go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger."
    Little Johnnie, who had just opened his book, closed it slowly, and said to the stranger, "What would you like to discuss?"
    "Oh, I don't know," said the stranger. "How about nuclear power?"
    "OK," said Little Johnnie. "That could be an interesting topic. But let me ask you a question first. A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat grass. The same stuff. Yet a deer excretes little pelleile a cow turns out a flat patty, and a horse produces clumps of dried grass. Why do you suppose that is?"
    "Jeez," said the stranger. "I have no idea."
    "Well, then," said Little Johnnie, "How is it that you feel qualified to discuss nuclear power when you don't know shit?"

    Stupidest kid!

    Hot 1 year ago

    A businessman was talking with his barber, when they both noticed a goofy-looking kid bouncing down the sidewalk.
    The barber whispered, "That's Johnnie, one of the stupidest kids you'll ever meet. Here, I'll show you."
    "Hey Johnnie! Come here!" yelled the barber.
    Johnnie came bouncing over "Hello Sir!"
    The barber pulled out a rusty dime and a shiny quarter and told Johnnie he could keep the one of his choice.
    Johnnie looked long and hard at the dime and quarter and then quickly snapped the dime from the barber's hand.
    The barber looked at the businessman and said, "See, I told you."
    After his haircut, the businessman caught up with Johnnie and asked him why he chose the dime.
    Johnnie looked at him in the eye and said, "If I take the quarter, the game is over."

    A college student writes to his parents...
    Dear Mom and Dad,
    I feel miserable because I have to keep writing for money. I feel ashamed and unhappy. I have to ask for another two hundred, but every cell in my body rebels. I beg on bended knee that you forgive me.
    Your son,
    P.S. I felt so terrible, I ran after the mailman who picked this up in the box at the corner. I wanted to take this letter and burn it. I prayed that I could get it back. But it was too late."
    A few days later he received a letter from his father. It said,
    "Your prayers were answered. Your letter never arrived!"

    A woman had 8 children, all of them boys. So, one day a magazine sent a journalist to her house for an interview.
    He asked her about the boys and what their names were; she said, "Johnnie".
    "Right", he said, "what about that blond one over there?"
    "Johnnie", she said.
    "Oh, and the tall one with the freckles?"
    "Johnnie", she said.
    "Well, and the little chubby one with the baseball cap?"
    "Johnnie", she said.
    "Are all your boys called Johnnie?" he asked, "Isn't that terribly complicated?"
    "Not at all", she said, "it makes everything very easy, actually. When I shout: Johnnie, tea is ready!, they all come. When I say: Johnnie, it's time for bed!, they all go to bed."
    "I see. But what if you want only one of them?"
    "No problem." she answers. Then I call them by their surnames."

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