Scout Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    A Pope, a boy scout, and the smartest guy in the world are on an airplane that is going down (because the pilot had a heart attack).
    The boy scout says, "Well, there are only two parachutes aboard. Who is going to use them?""Since I am the smartest guy in the world I feel I need to use a parachute." So, he grabs a bag and jumps out."Looks like there is only one left, and since I have lived a full life you can use the other parachute." said the Pope."No. We can both live!" says the boy scout."How?" asked the Pope."The smartest guy in the world grabbed my backpack, not the parachute!"

    True Realism

    Hot 1 year ago

    A troop of Boy Scouts were being used as "guinea pigs" in a test of emergency systems. A mock earthquake was staged, and the Scouts impersonated wounded persons who were to be picked up and cared for by the emergency units.
    One Scout was supposed to lie on the ground and await his rescuers, but the first-aid people got behind schedule, and the Scout lay "wounded" for several hours.
    When the first-aid squad arrived where the casualty was supposed to be, they found nothing but a brief note:
    "Have bled to death and gone home..."

    The Talking Dog

    Hot 1 month ago

    A guy has a talking dog. He brings it to a talent scout. "This dog can speak English," he claims to the unimpressed agent. "Okay, Sport," the guys says to the dog, "what’s on the top of a house?" "Roof!" the dog replies. "Oh, come on..." the talent agent responds. "All dogs go ‘roof’." "No, wait," the guy says. He asks the dog "what does sandpaper feel like?" "Rough!" the dog answers. The talent agent gives a condescending blank stare. He is losing his patience. "No, hang on," the guy says. "This one will amaze you." He turns and asks the dog: "Who, in your opinion, was the greatest baseball player of all time?" "Ruth!" goes the dog. And the talent scout, having seen enough, boots them out of his office onto the street. And the dog turns to the guy and says "Maybe I shoulda said DiMaggio?"

    Survival Guide

    Hot 5 months ago

    A Scout Master was teaching his boy scouts about survival in the desert. "What are the three most important things you should bring with you in case you get lost in the desert?" he asked. Several hands went up, and many important things were suggested such as food, matches, etc.
    Then one little boy in the back eagerly raised his hand. "Yes Timmy, what are the three most important things you would bring with you?" asked the Scout Master. Timmy replied: "A compass, a canteen of water, and a deck of cards."
    "Why's that Timmy?"
    "Well," answered Timmy, "the compass is to find the right direction, the water is to prevent dehydration..."
    "And what about the deck of cards?" asked the Scout Master impatiently. "Well, Sir, as soon as you start playing Solitaire, someone is bound to come up behind you and say, "Put that red nine on top of that black ten!"

    Desert Survival

    Hot 1 year ago

    A Scout Master was teaching his boy scouts about survival in the desert."What are the three most important things you should bring with you in case you get lost in the desert?" he asked.Several hands went up, and many important things were suggested such as food, matches, etc. Then one little boy in the back eagerly raised his hand."Yes Timmy, what are the three most important things you would bring with you?" asked the Scout Master.Timmy replied: "A compass, a canteen of water, and a deck of cards.""Why's that Timmy?""Well," answered Timmy, "the compass is to find the right direction, the water is to prevent dehydration...""And what about the deck of cards?" asked the Scout Master impatiently."Well, Sir, as soon as you start playing Solitaire, someone is bound to come up behind you and say, "Put that red nine on top of that black ten."

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