Identify Jokes

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    Ornithology Test

    Hot 2 years ago

    Joe, a college student, was taking a course in ornithology, the study of birds. The night before the biggest test of the semester, Joe spent all night studying. He had the textbook nearly memorized. He knew his class notes backward and forward. Joe was ready.The morning of the test, Joe entered the auditorium and took a seat in the front row. On the table in the front was a row of ten stuffed birds. Each bird had a sack covering its body, and only the legs were showing. When class started, the professor announced that the students were to identify each bird by looking at its legs and give its common name, species, habitat, mating habits, etc.
    Joe looked at each of the birds' legs. They all looked the same to him. He started to get angry. He had stayed up all night studying for this test and now he had to identify birds by their LEGS? The more he thought about the situation, the angrier he got.Finally he reached his boiling point. He stood up, marched up to the professor's desk, more...

    Bubba died in a fire and his body was burnt pretty bad. The morgue needed someone to identify the body, so his two best friends, Daryl and Gomer, were sent for. Daryl went in and the mortician pulled back the sheet. Daryl said, “Yup, he’s burnt pretty bad. Roll him over. ” The mortician rolled him over, and Daryl said, “Nope, ain’t Bubba. ” The mortician thought that was rather strange. Then he brought Gomer in to identify the body. Gomer took a look at him and said, “Yup, he’s burnt real bad, roll him over. ” The mortician rolled him over and Gomer said, “No, it ain’t Bubba. ” The mortician asked, “How can you tell? ” Gomer said, “Well, Bubba had two assholes. ” “What? He had two assholes? ” said the mortician. “Yup, everyone in town knew he had two assholes. Every time we went to town, folks would say, ‘Here comes Bubba with them two assholes. ’

    In a small town in the rural south, poor, fun-loving, good-ole'-boy
    Billy Bob died in a fire and was burnt pretty bad, and the morgue needed
    someone to identify the body. So, his two buddies, Jimmy Lee and Donnie Ray,
    went down to the morgue.
    Jimmy Lee went in first, and the mortician pulled back the sheet. Jimmy Lee said "Yep, he's burnt so bad, I can't tell from the front. Roll him over."
    So the mortician rolled him over. Jimmy Lee took one look at his ass and
    said "Hell no, that ain't Billy Bob."
    The mortician didn't say anything but thought that was kind of
    strange. Then he brought in Donnie Ray to identify. the body. Donnie Ray took a look at him and said "Yup, he's burnt real bad, rollhim over."
    The mortician rolled him over. Donnie Ray looked down at his ass and said
    "No, that ain't Billy Bob."
    The mortician said "How can you tell?" Donnie Ray said "Well, Billy Bob had two more...

    Handbags

    Hot 5 years ago

    The Englishman's, Irishman's and Scotsman's wives go shopping one day to a big department store. While they are there a fire breaks out. Everyone in the store is killed, including the three women.
    Their husbands are summoned to the local police station where a policewoman breaks the news to them: "I'm afraid sirs that we believe your wives were killed in the fire at the department store. However the fire was so intense we cannot identify the bodies. Only their handbags survived the blaze. Can you identify your wives' handbags from these three found in the store?"
    The three men all look at the handbags and each one is able to identify one of the handbags as belonging to his wife. With all handbags accounted for the policewoman leaves the men to deal with their grief in peace.
    The three men sit in silence for a while, then the Englishman opens his wife's handbag and rummages through the contents, finally pulling out a half-empty packet of cigarettes and says more...

    How can you identify an blind pirate? He's the one with patches over both eyes.

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