An 80-year old man walks into the doctor's office for his regular check-up.
The doctor says to him, "Ahh, Ted, how are you feeling?" "Great," says the old man. "I have an 18-year old wife, and she's pregnant with my child." The doctor gives a concerned look and says to Ted, "Ted, let me tell you a story. See, I have this hunter friend and early one morning, he goes out hunting, but is in such a hurry that he grabs his umbrella instead of his gun. So, as he is hunting, he spots a beaver. He aims at the beaver with his umbrella and shoots at it. Bam! The beaver falls dead to the ground.""What?!" cries the old man. "Why that's impossible! Someone else must have shot the beaver.""Exactly," says the doctor.
Justin Williams told this joke on his Cajun Cooking show:
Two Cajuns, Rober' and Maurice, decided that hunting possums had gotten too dull, so they planned a trip to Canada to shoot moose. They flew in commercial planes all the way to Saskatoon, and from there, they hired a bush pilot to take them in a little plane into moose country.
The pilot put them down in a short little airstrip about 200 kms from nowhere.
"Boys," he said, "I'll be back here at noon in three days. You be right here, and remember that this plane is too small to carry more than the three of us and ONE moose. So, there's no need to hunting more than ONE moose, because you won't be able to take but one out of here."
Robert and Maurice nodded agreement, and off the plane went, leaving the two Cajuns in the wilderness, eager for their hunting expedition.
On the third day, the plane landed at 11:55 local time, and there beside the airstrip were Robert and Maurice, each sitting on more...
A big time lawyer from New York went duck huting in Kansas. He shot a duck while it was in the air. It happen to land in a feild next to were he was hunting. Across a fence.
A farmer was in the feild with his tractor and saw it land on his side. The lawyer climb the fence to go get the duck.
As he reach for it. The farmer said. Put that down. Thats my duck. The lawyer said no it's not. I shot it. it's mine. The farmer said it landed on my feild it's mine.
The lawyer told the farmer that he was the best lawyer in N.Y. and he would sue him for every thing he has.
The farmer said in Kansas we don't sue people to settle dispute. We do by the 1,2, 3 kick.
The lawyer said. The 1, 2, 3 kick. Whats that.
The farmer said we kick each other until one give up. And the one who give up first can have the duck.
The lawyer was a body builder also. As he size up the farmer as he got off his tractor. He agreed to the 1, 2, 3 kick.
The farmer said. I get to go first. more...
After years of nagging, the wife was finally going deer hunting with her husband. "I'll drop you off here and go park the car. Don't get into trouble". says her husband.
He drove the car down the road and parked it. Walkin gback he could hear a heated argument between his wife and some man.
"It's my deer. I shot it!" he could hear his wife shouting.
The man's voice kept insisting... "That's not your deer, lady"
The husband started walking faster. His wife said "It is TOO my deer. I shot it and it's mine."
"No it's not" said the man.
The argument got louder and louder with his wife shouting about her killing her first deer.
Finally, the weary voice of the man was heard admitting defeat.
"Okay, lady, it's YOUR deer. Just let me get the saddle off it!"
Okay, here are a few ethnic hunting jokes:
Two ethnics are out duck hunting. They hunt and hunt and hunt into the late
hours of the evening and still have not killed one duck. Finally, ethnic #1
says to ethnic #2:
"Maybe we'd do better if we threw the dog up higher."