Guitar Jokes / Recent Jokes
What do a vacuum cleaner and an electric guitar have in common?
When you plug them in, they both suck.
Q: What did the guitar say to the guitarist?
A: Pick on someone your own size!
REASONS WHY GUITARS ARE BETTER THAN WOMEN
1. A guitar has a volume knob
2. If you break a guitar's G-string, it only costs $.79 for a new one
3. You can make a guitar scream as loud as you want it to
4. You can unplug a guitar
5. You can finger a guitar for hours without it complaining it wants more
6. Other people can play your guitar without it getting upset
7. You can finger a guitar in public and get applause, not arrested
8. You can have a guitar any color you want and no one will care
9. You can make your guitar as tight as you want it just by turning a peg.
10. If your guitar doesn't make sounds you like, you can return it
11. You can use four fingers at a time on a guitar
12. If your guitar strings are too heavy, you can just get a lighter set
13. You can have a guitar professionally adjusted to *your* liking
14. If you scratch a guitar's back, it's unintentional, not required
15. You can go to a guitar shop and play more...
Consider the following:Female guitar player shouting at her boyfriend in acrowded shopping mall: "Don't forget, sweetheart, I need a new G string!"
Q: How do you get a guitar player to play softer?
A: Give him a sheet of music.
How do you get a guitar player off of your front porch?
Pay for the pizza.
On the first day of Christmas, my kitten ruined for me... A batch
of my special hand-print cookies.
I had turned my back to grab the cookie sheet sitting on the stove.
In that micro-second, Fluffy climbed onto the table, poked her paw
into the delightfully kneady mixture and, suddenly off-balance,
fell into the cookie dough. Net loss? Six cups of flour, four cups
of sugar, three sticks of butter. Of course, it would have been
cheaper to remove the feline ingredient, pick out the hairs, and
just rename the recipe Paw Print Cookies.
On the second day of Christmas, my kitten accompanied me.... On a
trip to the vet clinic.
Who knew that skinny curling ribbon has feline taste appeal? I
didn't. Damages? $28 for the office visit, $36 for anesthesia so
the veterinarian could take $55 X-rays in case Fluffy had taste-
tested any other Christmas decorations, and a heck of a lot of
embarrassment more...