Gary Jokes / Recent Jokes

Gary was traveling down a quiet country road when he noticed a large group of people standing around outside a house. He stopped and asked a farmer why such a large crowd
was gathered. The farmer replied," Billy Bob's mule kicked his mother-in-law and she died."
"I see," Gary said. "Well, she must have had a lot of friends."
"Naw," the farmer said, "we just all want to buy his mule."

What do Gary Condit and a magician have in common? They both make their assistants disappear!

Mr Harpreet Singh Gulati is traveling from Moscow to Turban Pore [Capital of Khalistan] by "Kithe" Pacific.Seated besides him is Gary Kasparov. Gary asks him whether he would like to play chess to kill time.
Gulati :"Oye Gar(r)y. You think I don't know who U are?. I can't compete with a world champion"
Gary: "How about if I play left handed ?"
Gulati: [Think.. Think..] "OK!"
Gulati is demolished in 4 moves... and is very upset through-out the rest of the journey. On landing he meets his friend Manpreet Singh.
Gulati: Hey! U know what! I played Chess with Gary Kasparov and he defeated me in spite of him playing left-handed...
Manpreet: Oye ullu-de pathey! He sure did fool you! U know what! Gary IS LEFT-HANDED!!

Mr Harpreet Singh Gulati is traveling from Moscow to Turban Pore [Capital of Khalistan] by Kithe Pacific. Seated besides him is Gary Kasparov. Gary asks him whether he would like to play chess to kill time. Gulati: "Oye Gar(r)y. You think I don't know who U are?. I can't compete with a world champion" Gary: "How about if I play left handed? " Gulati: [Think.. Think..] "OK!" Gulati is demolished in 4 moves... and is very upset through-out the rest of the journey. On landing he meets his friend Manpreet Singh. Gulati: Hey! U know what! I played Chess with Gary Kasparov and he defeated me in spite of him playing left-handed... Manpreet: Oye ullu-de pathey!! He sure did fool you!! U know what!! Gary IS LEFT-HANDED!!

"Computers in the future may weigh no more than 1.5 tons."
- Popular Mechanics, forecasting the relentless march of science, 1949
"I think there is a world market for maybe five computers."
- Thomas Watson, chairman of IBM, 1943
"I have traveled the length and breadth of this country and talked with the best people, and I can assure you that data processing is a fad that won't last out the year."
- The editor in charge of business books for Prentice Hall, 1957
"But what... is it good for?"
- Engineer at the Advanced Computing Systems Division of IBM, 1968, commenting on the microchip.
"There is no reason anyone would want a computer in their home."
- Ken Olson, president, chairman and founder of Digital Equipment Corp., 1977
"640K ought to be enough for anybody."
- Bill Gates, 1981
"This 'telephone' has too many shortcomings to be seriously considered as a means of more...

Q: Why does Congressman Gary Condit wear pants?
A: To keep his ankles warm!

Three friends had a good friend named Joe and he was, naturally, an eternal optimist. At every bad situation he would always say' 'It could have been worse.'' His friends hated that quality about him, so they came up with a story so horrible that not even Joe could come up with a bright side.

So the next day, only two of his friends showed up for a golf date.

Joe asked,' 'Where's Gary?''

And one of his friends said,' 'Didn't you hear? Yesterday, Gary found his wife in bed with another man, shot them both, and then turned the gun on himself.''

Joe says,''Well it could have been worse.''

Both his friends said,' 'How in hell could it be worse? Your best friend just killed himself!''

Joe says,' 'If it had happened two days ago, I'd be dead now!''