Three men die and go to heaven. They meet up with St. Peter at the Pearly Gates, and he says, "Well, there's not that much room left in heaven, so you have to tell me an interesting way that you died, and if it's interesting enough, I'll let you in."So St. Peter goes into his office and calls in the first man.He says, "I was coming home from work one day early, and when I walked in the door, I had a strange suspicion that my wife was cheating on me. I walk into our room and sure enough, find her sprawled out naked alone on our bed. Sure that the guy was in the house, I searched frantically to find him... Under the bed, in the closet... Finally I found him hanging from our ledge on our balcony. Furious, I stepped on his hand and he went plummetting two stories down. However, he landed in a bush and I wasn't sure if he was dead yet. So I pushed the refrigerator out onto him. Later, I felt so guilty I committed suicide.""Wow," said St. Peter, "that's a more...
A stranger was seated next to Little Johnnie on the plane when the stranger turned to the boy and said, "Let's talk. I've heard that flights will go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger."
Little Johnnie, who had just opened his book, closed it slowly, and said to the stranger, "What would you like to discuss?"
"Oh, I don't know," said the stranger. "How about nuclear power?"
"OK," said Little Johnnie. "That could be an interesting topic. But let me ask you a question first. A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat grass. The same stuff. Yet a deer excretes little pelleile a cow turns out a flat patty, and a horse produces clumps of dried grass. Why do you suppose that is?"
"Jeez," said the stranger. "I have no idea."
"Well, then," said Little Johnnie, "How is it that you feel qualified to discuss nuclear power when you don't know shit?"
"Computers in the future may weigh no more than 1.5 tons."
- Popular Mechanics, forecasting the relentless march of science, 1949
"I think there is a world market for maybe five computers."
- Thomas Watson, chairman of IBM, 1943
"I have traveled the length and breadth of this country and talked with the best people, and I can assure you that data processing is a fad that won't last out the year."
- The editor in charge of business books for Prentice Hall, 1957
"But what... is it good for?"
- Engineer at the Advanced Computing Systems Division of IBM, 1968, commenting on the microchip.
"There is no reason anyone would want a computer in their home."
- Ken Olson, president, chairman and founder of Digital Equipment Corp., 1977
"640K ought to be enough for anybody."
- Bill Gates, 1981
"This 'telephone' has too many shortcomings to be seriously considered as a means of more...
1. Bring a pillow. Fall asleep (or pretend to) until the last 15 minutes. Wake up, say "oh geez, better get cracking" and do some gibberish work. Turn it in a few minutes early.
2. Get a copy of the exam, run out screaming "Andre, Andre, I've got the secret documents!!"
3. If it is a math/science exam, answer in essay form. If it is long answer/essay form, answer with numbers and symbols. Be creative. Use the integral symbol.
4. Make paper airplanes out of the exam. Aim them at the instructor's left nostril.
5. Talk the entire way through the exam. Read questions aloud, debate your answers with yourself out loud. If asked to stop, yell out, "I'm SOOO sure you can hear me thinking." Then start talking about what a jerk the instructor is.
6. Bring cheerleaders.
7. Walk in, get the exam, sit down. About five minutes into it, loudly say to the instructor, "I don't understand ANY of this. I've been to every lecture all semester more...
Isn't it interesting that the same people who laugh at science fiction listen to weather forecasts and economists?