Ear Jokes / Recent Jokes

One of the teachers had a kindergartner come up to her and say that he found a frog. The teacher asked if the frog was alive or dead.

The student said it was dead.

The teacher asked how he knew.

The boy said, "I pissed in it's ear."

The teacher said, "You what?"

He said, "You know, I went to his ear and said,' PSST!' and it didn't move. So it must be dead."

Three idiots try out for a job to be a detective. The trainer they have pulls out a picture. He asks them each separately, "How would you recognize this suspect?"

The 1st idiot says "He only has 1 eye"

So the trainer says "it's a profile."

Frustrated, he moves along to the 2nd one and he said, "how would you recognize this suspect?"

The idiot says "he only has one ear."

Even more frustrated he yells at her and says "its a profile!"

He goes to the 3rd idiot and once again he asks, "How would you recognize this suspect?"

The idiot answers "he wears contact lenses."

The amazed trainer goes and checks the computer database. He returns 5 minutes later and says, "wow! he does where contact lenses, how did you know that?"

The idiot replies, "he can't wear normal glasses silly, he only has one ear"

A blonde bought two horses, and could never remember which was which.
A neighbor suggested that she cut the tail of one horse and that worked great until the other horse got his tail caught in a bush. It tore just right and looked exactly like the other horse's tail and our friend was stuck again.
The neighbor suggested she notch the ear
off one horse. That worked fine until the other horse caught his ear on a barbed wire fence. Once again our friend couldn't tell them apart.
The neighbor suggested she measure the horses for height. When she did, she was very pleased to find that the white horse was 2 inches taller than the black.

Posts empty articles to Usenet, and enjoys rereading them later.
Prefers three left turns to one right turn.
Pressure’s up, but there’s a slow leak somewhere.
Produces a zero-length core dump.
Proof God has a sense of humor.
Proof of Einstein’s theory that there is no limit to human stupidity.
Proof that evolution CAN go in reverse.
Put a lens in each ear and you’ve got a telescope.
Puts a finger in his ear so the draft through his head isn’t annoying.
Putting his brain on the edge of a razor blade would be like putting a pea on a six lane highway.
Qualifies for the mental express line - five thoughts or less. - MacNelly
Quotes entire letters/articles as responses and hides her one line of wisdom in the middle.
Racing fifty yards with a pregnant woman, he’d come in third.
Reading from an empty/blank/unformatted disk.
Reads her newspaper back-to-front.

A policeman interrogates three blondes who are training to become detectives. To test their skills in recognizing a suspect, he shows the first blonde a picture for five seconds and then hides it. “This is your suspect, how would you recognize him? ”
The first blonde answers, “That’s easy, we’ll catch him fast because he only has one eye! ”
The policeman says, “Well, uh, thats because the picture shows his profile. ”
Slightly flustered by this ridiculous response, he flashes the picture for five seconds at the second blonde and asks her, “This is your suspect, how would you recognize him? ”
The second blonde giggles, flips her hair and says, “Ha! He’d be too easy to catch because he only has one ear! ”
The policeman angrily responds, “What’s the matter with you two?! Of course only one eye and one ear are showing because it’s a picture of his profile! Is that the best answer you can come up with? ”
Extremely frustrated at more...

A man walks into a doctor's office. He has a cucumber up his nose, a carrot in his left ear and a banana in his right ear.
" What's the matter with me?" he asks the doctor.
The doctor replies, " You're not eating properly."

A guy walks into work and both of his ears are all bandaged up. The boss asks, `What happened to your ears?` He says, `Yesterday I was ironing a shirt when the phone rang and shhh! I accidentally answered the phone,` The boss asks, `Well that explains one ear, what about to your other ear?` He says, "Well, jeez, i had to call the doctor!`