Customs Jokes / Recent Jokes
A lady arrived at the Madras airport after spending 36 hours in transit.
She was fully exhausted after such a long trip with her 6 young kids.
Collecting many suitcases, the family entered the cramped customs area.
A young customs official watched our entourage in disbelief, "Ma'am," he said, "do all these children and this luggage belong to you?"
"Yes, sir," the lady said with a sigh. "They're all mine."
The customs agent began his interrogation "Ma'am, do you have any weapons, contraband or illegal drugs in your possession?"
"Sir," she calmly answered, "if I'd had any of those items, I would have used them by now."
After an overnight flight to meet my father at his latest military assignment, my mother wearily arrived at Rhein-Main Air Base in Germany with my eight siblings and me -- all under age 11. Collecting our many suitcases, the ten of us entered the cramped customs area. A young customs official watched our entourage in disbelief, Maam, he said, do all these children and this luggage belong to you? Yes, sir, my mother said with a sigh, theyre all mine. The customs agent began his interrogation: Maam, do you have any weapons, contraband or illegal drugs in your possession? Sir, she calmly answered, if Id had any of those items, I would have used them by now.
A customs agent stopped an old Jewish man who had just immigrated to Israel and asked him to open his two suitcases.
In the first suitcase he found over a million dollars in one dollar bills. "Excuse me, sir" he asked the old gentleman, "where did you get all this money?"
"Vell, I'll tell you," the old man began, "for many years, I traveled all around America, I stopped at all of the public rest rooms in all the major cities; I vent to New York, then I vent to Chicago, then I vent to San Francisco. I vent into all the stalls here the men were spiriting and I say' Give me a dollar for Israel or I'll cut off your testicles vit my knife.'"
"That's quite a story," the customs agent said, "what's in the second suitcase?"
"Vell, you know," said the old man, shaking his head, "not everyone likes to give..."
LICENSE TO STEAL
Two Kentucky men tried to pull the front off a cash machine by running a chain from the machine to the bumper of their pickup truck. Instead of pulling the front panel off the machine, though, they pulled the bumper off the truck. They panicked and fled, leaving the chain still attached to the machine, their bumper still attached to the chain, and their license plate still attached to the bumper.
IN THE BAG
A "tourist," supposedly on a golf holiday, stood in line at the customs counter. While making idle chatter, the customs official thought it odd that the golfer didn`t know what a handicap was. The officer then asked the tourist to demonstrate his swing. He did - backwards. A substantial amount of narcotics was found in the golf bag.
MADE FOR TV
Guns For Hire, an Arizona company specializing in staged gunfights for Western movies, got a call from a 47-year-old woman who wanted to have her husband shot. more...
Stupid people LICENSE TO STEAL Two Kentucky men tried to pull the front off a cash machine by running a chain from the machine to the bumper of their pickup truck. Instead of pulling the front panel off the machine, though, they pulled the bumper off the truck. They panicked and fled, leaving the chain still attached to the machine, their bumper still attached to the chain, and their license plate still attached to the bumper. IN THE BAG A "tourist," supposedly on a golf holiday, stood in line at the customs counter. While making idle chatter, the customs official thought it odd that the golfer didn't know what a handicap was. The officer then asked the tourist to demonstrate his swing. He did - backwards. A substantial amount of narcotics was found in the golf bag. MADE FOR TV Guns For Hire, an Arizona company specializing in staged gunfights for Western movies, got a call from a 47-year-old woman who wanted to have her husband shot. She was sentenced to four years in jail. more...
Every day, we are assaulted by stories of stupid people - many of whom use their stupidity for personal gain. From time to time, though, we hear of those who strive to achieve new levels of stupidity *while* also breaking the law. To these brave men and women - ooops, "women and men" - we present the highest possible honor: entry into the "Stupid-." Following are their accounts .. Kentucky (where else?): Two men tried to pull the front off a cash machine by running a chain from the machine to the bumper of their pickup truck. Instead of pulling the front panel off the machine, though, they pulled the bumper off their truck. Scared, they left the scene and drove home. With the chain still attached to the machine. With their bumper still attached to the chain. With their vehicle's license plate still attached to the bumper. South Carolina: A man walked into a local police station, dropped a bag of cocaine on the counter, informed the desk sergeant that it was more...
A gardener from Trinidad was on his way to the states to make a living. He packed up all the things he needed and went to the airport. When he went through customs, they found a machete in the bag. One of the customs officer asked the man.
"Why do you need a machete?"
he said, " to chop bush..."
he is still in jail awaiting trial.