Customs Jokes / Recent Jokes

Moisha Rabinowitz in the late 1930s fled his native land of Germany. He sold all his assets and converted it to gold and then had 5 sets of solid gold false teeth made.When he arrived in New York the customs official was perplexed as to why anybody would have 5 sets of gold teeth. So Moisha explained."We Orthodox Jews have two separate sets of dishes for meat products and dairy products but I am so kosher and religious I also have separate sets of teeth."The customs official shook his head and said, "Well that accounts for two sets of teeth. What about the other three?"Moisha then said "Vell us very religious Orthodox Jews use separate dishes for Passover, but I am so religious I have separate teeth, one for meat and one for dairy food.The customs official slapped his head and then said, "You must be a very religious man with separate teeth for food and dairy products and likewise for Passover. That accounts for four sets of teeth. What
about the more...

Five Englishmen in an Audi Quattro arrive at the Italian border. The Italian Customs agent stops them and tells them: "Itsa illegal to putta fiva people ina Quattro."
"What do you mean it's illegal?" asked the Englishmen.
"Quattro means four" replies the Italian official.
"Quattro is just the name of the automobile," the Englishmen retort disbelievingly.
"Look at the papers: this car is designed to carry 5 persons."
"You can'ta pulla thata one ona me," replies the Italian customs agent.
"Quattro means four. You hava fiva people ina your car and you are therefore breakin'a the law".
The Englishmen replies angrily, "You idiot! Call your supervisor over - I want to speak to someone with more intelligence!"
"Sorry," responds the Italian official, "he can'ta come. He'sa busy with 2 guys in a Uno."

A Kiwi was hoping to immigrate to Australia. Upon arriving in Australia, he was questioned by a customs officer, “What is your business in Australia? ” “I wish to immigrate, ” was the Kiwi’s reply. The customs officer then asked, “Do you have a conviction record? ” Confused, the Kiwi then replied, “I didn’t think you still needed one. ”

A little Italian grandfather comes up to Customs. The Customs official says, "Have you got anything to declare?"He thinks a second and he says, "Its a nice-a day!"

A "tourist," supposedly on a golf holiday, stood in line at the customs counter. While making idle chatter, the customs official thought it odd that the golfer didn`t know what a handicap was. The officer then asked the tourist to demonstrate his swing. He did - backwards. A substantial amount of narcotics was found in the golf bag.

Kentucky: Two men tried to pull the front off a cash machine by running a chain from the machine to the bumper of their pickup truck. Instead of pulling the front panel off the machine, though, they pulled the bumper off their truck. Scared, they left the scene and drove home. With the chain still attached to the machine. With their bumper still attached to the chain. With their vehicle's license plate still attached to the bumper.
South Carolina: A man walked into a local police station, dropped a bag of cocaine on the counter, informed the desk sergeant that it was substandard cut, and asked that the person who sold it to him be arrested immediately.
Indiana: A man walked up to a cashier at a grocery store and demanded all the money in the register. When the cashier handed him the loot, he fled--leaving his wallet on the counter.
England: A German "tourist," supposedly on a golf holiday, shows up at customs with his golf bag. While making idle chatter about more...

Ok this idiot of the first order is invited for a game of golf for the first time, while in another country. He's totally enamoured with the golf ball because he's never seen anything like it before so he carries like, 30 of them back home to give away as souveniers. While passing through the customs on his way back, the customs officer who's perhaps a bigger idiot than this guy, notices his pockets bulging with all these golf balls and can't figure it out. So he asks our man, "What the hell is all this?!"To which he replies, "Oh they're just golf balls." So the customs officer goes, "Oh oh! You mean like tennis elbow?"