Cursing Jokes

Young Justin has a cursing problem, and his father’s getting tired of it.

He decides to ask a shrink what to do. The shrink says, “Negative reinforcement. Since Christmas is coming up, ask Justin what he wants from Santa. If he curses while he tells you his wish list, leave a pile of dog poop in place of each gift he requests.”

Two days before Christmas, Justin’s father asks him what he wants for Christmas. “I want a damn teddy bear lying beside me when I wake up. When I go downstairs, I want to see a damn train going around the damn tree. And when I go outside, I want to see a damn bike leaning up against the damn garage.”

On Christmas morning, Justin wakes up and rolls into a pile of dog poop. Confused, he walks downstairs and sees another pile under the tree. He walks outside, looks at a huge pile of dog poo by the garage, and walks inside. His dad smiles and asks, “What did Santa bring you this year?”

Justin replies, “I more...

Young
Justin has a cursing problem, and his father's
getting tired of it.
He decides to ask a shrink what to do. The shrink
says, "Negative reinforcement. Since Christmas
is coming up, ask Justin what he wants from Santa.
If he curses while he tells you his wish list, leave
a pile of dog poop in place of each gift he requests.

Two brothers, ages 6 and 8, decide they are old enough to start cursing. Sothey plan to use dirty words the next morning at breakfast. The 8-year-oldsays he'll use the world HELL and tells the 6-year-old to use ASS. Well, the next morning they head downstairs for breakfast. And when theirmother asks them what they want, the 8-year-old says, "Ah, Hell, I'll havesome Fruit Loops." Shocked, the mother wheels around and backhands him on hischair, sending him screaming back upstairs. She then turns to the 6-year-oldand says, "What are you going to have?" He replies, "I don't know, butyou can bet your ass it ain't gonna be Fruit Loops."

Two brothers, ages 6 and 8, decide they are old enough to start cursing. Sothey plan to use dirty words the next morning at breakfast. The 8-year-oldsays he'll use the world HELL and tells the 6-year-old to use ASS.Well, the next morning they head downstairs for breakfast. And when theirmother asks them what they want, the 8-year-old says, "Ah, Hell, I'll havesome Fruit Loops."Shocked, the mother wheels around and backhands him on hischair, sending him screaming back upstairs. She then turns to the 6-year-oldand says, "What are you going to have?" He replies, "I don't know, butyou can bet your ass it ain't gonna be Fruit Loops."

[I have been telling this joke in Punjabi (an Indian language)
for about 7 years. It is probably not original, but I haven't come
across it anywhere else, either]
A Muslim and a Sikh were once traveling together in a train.
Both being from Punjab, spoke the same language and had a great time
talking to each other and generally whiling away time. Came lunchtime
and the Muslim took out his lunch and started eating without offering
it to the Sikh. The Sikh was rather insulted at this impolite behavior.
"What city are you from?" he asked the Muslim. "Lahore," replied the
Muslim. At that, the Sikh started cursing the people of Lahore,
mentioning, among other things what impolite &*@##!%%'s they all were.
Being guilty, the Muslim swallowed all this in silence.
A few minutes later, the Sikh was hungry and he took out his
lunch and started eating without offering it to the Muslim. The Muslim
saw this as an opportunity more...