Conservative Jokes / Recent Jokes

A liberal came upon a genie and said, "You're a genie. Can you grant me three wishes?" The genie replied, "Yes, but only if you're feeling generous enough to share your good fortune." The liberal said, "I'm a liberal. I'm always happy to share." The genie said, "O.K., then, whatever you wish for, I'll give every conservative in the country two of it. What's your first wish?" "I would like a new sports car." "O.K., you've got it, and every conservative in the country gets two sports cars. What's your second wish?" "I'd like a million dollars." "O.K., you get a million dollars, every conservative gets two million dollars. What's your third and final wish?" "Well, I've always wanted to donate a kidney."

Rush Limbaugh is in talks to purchase the Rams, because Limbaugh has plenty of experience showing blind allegiance to a failed franchise. Actually, Limbaugh is buying the Rams because the St. Louis arch reminds him of McDonald's.

This week Australia legalized the cloning of human embryos for stem cell research that lifted a four-year-old ban on the procedure. The legislation passed in the House, even though the Conservative Prime Minister and other major party leaders voted against it. Conservative opponents in the US said the bill promoted unproven science that did not respect the human rights of the unborn.

Excuse me...did you say respect?
Rush Limbaugh could not be reached for comment.

Clint Eastwood, who is often mistaken for a “conservative,” has made an anti-war movie about Iwo Jima, which uses a foreign cast and subtitles. He hasn’t yet said whether Jews are responsible for all the wars.

If health care does pass, the good news for Rush is oxycontin is much cheaper in Canada.

A liberal came upon a genie and said You are a genie. Can you grant me three wishes? The genie replied Yes but only if you are feeling generous enough to share your good fortune. The liberal said I am a liberal. I am always happy to share. The genie said O. K. then whatever you wish for I will give every conservative in the country two of it. What is your first wish? I would like a new sports car. O. K. you have got it and every conservative in the country gets two sports cars. Whats your second wish? I would like a million dollars. O. K. you get a million dollars every conservative gets two million dollars. Whats your third and final wish? Well I have always wanted to donate a kidney.

95% of Americans have had premarital sex, says a new study that polled men and women about sexual experiences back to the 1940's, which is gross because those people are old.
The statistic is questioned by Janice Crouse of the conservative group Concerned Women for America. She says, "Any time I see numbers that high, I'm a little suspicious."
However, that statement could be rephrased as follows:
"100% of the time I see numbers that high, I'm a little suspicious."
Math vs. a woman. Math wins again.