New York, NY - September 2004
6: 00 PM - Opening Prayer led by the Reverend Jerry Falwell
6: 30 PM - Pledge of Allegiance
6: 35 PM - Ceremonial Burning of Bill of Rights (excluding 2nd Amendment)
6: 45 PM - Salute to the Coalition of the Willing
6: 46 PM - Seminar #1: Katherine Harris on “Are Elections Really Necessary? ”
7: 30 PM - Announcement: Lincoln Memorial Renamed for Ronald Reagan
7: 35 PM - Trent Lott: “Re-segregation in the 21st Century”
7: 40 PM - EPA Address #1: Mercury: It’s What’s for Dinner
8: 00 PM - Vote on which country to invade next
8: 10 PM - Call EMTs to revive Rush Limbaugh
8: 15 PM - John Ashcroft Lecture: The Homos Are After Your Children
8: 30 PM - Round table discussion on reproductive rights (men only)
8: 50 PM - Seminar #2: Corporations: The Government of the Future
9: 00 PM - Condi Rice sings more...
6:00 PM Opening Prayer, led by the Rev. Jerry Falwell
6:30 PM Pledge of Allegiance
6:35 PM Burning of Bill of Rights (excluding 2nd amendment)
6:45 PM Salute to the Coalition of the Willing
6:46 PM Seminar #1: Getting your kid a military deferment
7:30 PM First Presidential Beer Bong
7:35 PM Serve Freedom Fries
7:40 PM EPA Address #1: Mercury, it's what's for dinner
8:00 PM Vote on which country to invade next
8:10 PM Call EMTs to revive Rush Limbaugh
8:15 PM John Ashcroft Lecture: The Homos are after your children
8:30 PM Roundtable discussion on reproductive rights (MEN only)
8:50 PM Seminar #2: Corporations: the government of the future
9:00 PM Condi Rice sings "I Can't Help Lovin' Dat Man"
9:05 PM Second Presidential Beer Bong
9:10 PM EPA Address #2 Trees: the real cause of forest fires
9:30 PM Break for secret meetings
10:00 PM Second prayer, led by Cal Thomas
10:15 PM Lecture by Carl Rove: more...
One day, Bill Clinton, Rush Limbaugh and Al Gore decided to walk to the Wizard of Oz's castle in Emerald City. When they got there, the Wizard asked them what they wanted the most. Limbaugh asked for a heart, Gore asked for a brain, and Clinton asked for Dorothy.
Rush Limbaugh and his chauffeur were out driving in the country and accidentally hit and killed a pig that had wandered out on a country road.Limbaugh told the chauffeur to drive up to the farm and apologize to the farmer. They drove up to the farm, the chauffeur got out and knocked on the front door and was let in. He was in there for what seemed hours. When he came out, Limbaugh was confused about why his employee had been there so long."Well, first the farmer shook my hand, then he offered me a beer, then his wife brought me some cookies, and his daughter showered me with kisses," explained the driver."What did you tell the farmer?" Limbaugh asked.The chauffeur replied, "I told him that I was Rush Limbaugh's driver and I'd just killed the pig.
The State of American political rhetoric:
"The plan is really a Doctor Kevorkian prescription for the jobs of American working men and women." Rep. Richard Armey, R-Texas, on the Clinton health care proposal.
At a congressional hearing Armey pledged to Hillary Clinton to make the health care debate exciting. Mrs. Clinton replied, "I'm sure you will do that, you and Doctor Kevorkian."
"If you think health care is expensive now, wait until it's free." humorist P.J. O'Rourke.
"The people of the 5th district of Georgia did not send me here to sell them out for a mess of pottage (sic) and 30 (sic) pieces of silver." Democratic Rep. John Lewis, saying no to NAFTA.
Understatement of the year: "I spun myself out of control." Republican consultant Edward Rollins on his post-election statements about suppressing black voter turnout in the New Jersey governor's race.
"If we're going to prepare them for what goes on in more...