Coastguard Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    These are all true cuttings,
    Irish police are being handicapped
    in a search for a stolen van
    because they cannot issue a description. It is
    a Special Branch vehicle and they
    do not want the public to know what it
    looks like. (The Guardian)
    Police reveal that a woman
    arrested for shoplifting had a
    whole salami in her knickers. When asked why she
    said it was because she was
    missing her boyfriend. (Reuters via The
    Manchester Evening News)
    After being charged 20 [pounds] for a 10 [pound]
    overdraft, 30 year old Michael
    Howard of Leeds changed his name by deed
    poll to "Yorkshire Bank PLC Are
    Fascist Bastards". The bank has now asked
    him to close his account and Mr.
    Bastards has asked them to repay the 69p
    balance by cheque made out in his
    new name.
    (The Guardian)
    Notice seen in the Churchtown
    Parish Magazine: Would the
    congregation please
    note that the bowl at the back more...

    There was a salmon fisherman who was out in the ocean fishing when his boat sank. He was lucky enough to make to a deserted island where he had to survive on what he could find. When the Coastguard eventually found him, the leader noticed there was a fire pit with California Condor feathers all around. He went over to the fisherman and said, "You know, it's illegal to kill a California Condor, I'm afraid I'm going to have to arrest you." The fisherman protested for some time saying that he killed it because he was going to starve but eventually he calmed down. "Out of curiosity" the coastguard asked, "What did it taste like?" The fisherman replied, " Well, it was kind of a mix between a snowy owl and a bald eagle."

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