Chairman Jokes / Recent Jokes

At the local golfclub, some lady members complained to the chairman, about all the male golfers, pissing on almost every tree on the course.



The chairman called an extraordinary meeting of the club management, so that they can discuss this problem.



The meeting took hours. Some heated arguments from all sides took place.



It stopped just short of a fistfight.



At last they came upon an agreement, and it was written into the club constitution, that: "Ladies will henceforth, also be allowed to piss on the course."

"This 'telephone' has too many shortcomings to be seriously
considered as a means of communication. The device is inherently
of no value to us."
-Western Union internal memo, 1876.
"Computers in the future may weigh no more than 1.5 tons."
-Popular Mechanics, forecasting the relentless march of
science, 1949
"I think there is a world market for maybe five computers."
-Thomas Watson, chairman of IBM, 1943
"640K ought to be enough for anybody."
- Bill Gates, 1981
"I have traveled the length and breadth of this country and talked
with the best people, and I can assure you that data processing is
a fad that won't last out the year."
-The editor in charge of business books for Prentice Hall,
1957
"But what... is it good for?"
-Engineer at the Advanced Computing Systems Division of IBM,
1968, commenting on the microchip.
"There is no more...

Bill Gates is hanging out with the chairman of General Motors.

If automotive technology had kept pace with computer technology over the past few decades boasts Gates you would now be driving a V-32 instead of a V-8 and it would have a top speed of 10000 miles per hour.

Or you could have an economy car that weighs 30 pounds and gets a thousand miles to a gallon of gas.

In either case the sticker price of a new car would be less than $50.

Sure says the GM chairman. But would you really want to drive a car that crashes four times a day?

Two opposing county chairman were sharing a rare moment together. The Democratic chairman said, "I never pass up a chance to promote the party. For example, whenever I take a cab, I give the driver a sizable tip and say, Vote Democratic." His opponent said, "I have a better scheme, and it doesnt cost me a nickel. I dont give any tip at all. And when I leave, I also say, Vote Democratic."

Bill Gates is hanging out with the chairman of General Motors.
"If automotive technology had kept pace with computer technology over the past few decades," boasts Gates, "you would now be driving a V-32 instead of a V-8, and it would have a top speed of 10, 000 miles per hour."
Bill Gates continued, "Or, you could have an economy car that weighs 30 pounds and gets a thousand miles to a gallon of gas. In either case, the sticker price of a new car would be less than 50 dollars."
In response to all this goading, the GM chairman replied, "Yes, but would you really want to drive a car that crashes four times a day?"

The U.S. Olympic Committee has added the president of Xerox and the chairman of Electronic Arts to its board of directors. We should clarify: the EA chairman joined first. The Xerox guy just copied him.

So Bill Gates and the chairman of GM are arguing over which company is better. Bill Gates boast, " If cars grew in technology as fast as computers did, we would be driving v-32 instead of v-8, our cars would get 5000 miles to the gallon, the top speed would be mach seven. Anyway the sticker price for a car would be 50 dollars."

And which the GM replies, " Sure, but would you really want a car that crashes 4 times a day!"