Corp Jokes

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    Real Dilbert Quotes

    Hot 2 years ago

    A magazine recently ran a "Dilbert Quotes" contest. They were looking for people to submit quotes from their real life Dilbert-type managers. Here are the finalists:
    1. "As of tomorrow, employees will only be able to access the building using individual security cards. Pictures will be taken next Wednesday and employees will receive their cards in two weeks." (This was the winning quote from Fred Dales at Microsoft Corp. in Redmond, WA.)
    2. "What I need is a list of specific unknown problems we will encounter." (Lykes Lines Shipping)
    3. "E-mail is not to be used to pass on information or data. It should be used only for company business." (Accounting manager, Electric Boat Company)
    4. "This project is so important, we can't let things that are more important interfere with it." (Advertising/Marketing manager, United Parcel Service)
    5. "Doing it right is no excuse for not meeting the schedule."
    6. more...

    Technology Mistakes

    Hot 3 years ago

    "Who in their right mind would ever need more than 640k of ram!?" -- Bill Gates, 1981 "Computers in the future may weigh no more than 1.5 tons." -- Popular Mechanics, forecasting the relentless march of science, 1949 "I think there is a world market for maybe five computers." -- Thomas Watson, chairman of IBM, 1943 "I have traveled the length and breadth of this country and talked with the best people, and I can assure you that data processing is a fad that won't last out the year." -- The editor in charge of business books for Prentice Hall, 1957 "But what. .. is it good for?" -- Engineer at the Advanced Computing Systems Division of IBM, 1968, commenting on the microchip. "There is no reason anyone would want a computer in their home." -- Ken Olson, president, chairman and founder of Digital Equipment Corp., 1977 "This' telephone' has too many shortcomings to be seriously considered as a means of communication. The more...

    "Computers in the future may weigh no more than 1.5 tons."
    - Popular Mechanics, forecasting the relentless march of science, 1949
    "I think there is a world market for maybe five computers."
    - Thomas Watson, chairman of IBM, 1943
    "I have traveled the length and breadth of this country and talked with the best people, and I can assure you that data processing is a fad that won't last out the year."
    - The editor in charge of business books for Prentice Hall, 1957
    "But what... is it good for?"
    - Engineer at the Advanced Computing Systems Division of IBM, 1968, commenting on the microchip.
    "There is no reason anyone would want a computer in their home."
    - Ken Olson, president, chairman and founder of Digital Equipment Corp., 1977
    "640K ought to be enough for anybody."
    - Bill Gates, 1981
    "This 'telephone' has too many shortcomings to be seriously considered as a means of more...

    "This 'telephone' has too many shortcomings to be seriously
    considered as a means of communication. The device is inherently
    of no value to us."
    -Western Union internal memo, 1876.
    "Computers in the future may weigh no more than 1.5 tons."
    -Popular Mechanics, forecasting the relentless march of
    science, 1949
    "I think there is a world market for maybe five computers."
    -Thomas Watson, chairman of IBM, 1943
    "640K ought to be enough for anybody."
    - Bill Gates, 1981
    "I have traveled the length and breadth of this country and talked
    with the best people, and I can assure you that data processing is
    a fad that won't last out the year."
    -The editor in charge of business books for Prentice Hall,
    1957
    "But what... is it good for?"
    -Engineer at the Advanced Computing Systems Division of IBM,
    1968, commenting on the microchip.
    "There is no more...

    AUSTIN, Texas - The exasperated help-line caller said she couldn't get her new Dell computer to turn on. Jay Ablinger, a Dell Computer Corp. technician, made sure the computer was plugged in and then asked the woman what happened when she pushed the power button."I've pushed and pushed on this foot pedal and nothing happens," the woman replied. "Foot pedal?" the technician asked. "Yes," the woman said, "this little white foot pedal with the on switch." The "foot pedal," it turned out, was the computer's mouse, a hand-operated device that helps to control the computer's operation.Personal-computer makers are discovering that it's still a low-tech world out there. While they are finally having great success selling PCs to households, they now have to deal with people to whom monitors and disk drives are as foreign as another language."It is rather mystifying to get this nice, beautiful machine and not know anything about it," more...

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