Canadian Jokes / Recent Jokes

Three men are traveling in the Amazon: a Canadian, an American, and a Mexican. They get captured by a fierce tribe of Amazons. The tribe leader tells them they will be whipped for entering their territory. The tribe chief says to the Candian, "What do you want on your back for your whipping?" The Canadian responds, "I will take oil!"So they put oil on his back, and a large Amazon whips him 10 times. When he is finished the Canadian has these huge welts on his back, and he can hardly move. The Amazons haul the Canadian away, and say to the Mexican,"What do you want on your back?" "I will take nothing!, I will take my punishment like a real man!" says the Mexican, and he boldly stands there and takes his 10 lashings without a single flinch. Finally, it's the Yank's turn and the tribal chief asks:"What will you take on your back?" And he responds - " I'll take the Mexican! "

1. You stand in "line-ups" at the movie, not lines.2. You're not offended by the term, "Homo Milk"3. You understand the phrase, "Could you please pass me a serviette, I just spilled my poutine"4. You eat chocolate bars instead of candy bars.5. You drink pop, not soda.6. You know what it means to be on pogey.7. You know that a mickey and 2-4's mean "Party at the camp, eh!!"8. You don't hold your hand on your breast when you sing the national anthem.9. You can drink legally while still a 'teen.10. You know that francophones, anglophones and allophones are not electronic devices.11. You talk about the weather with strangers and friends alike.12. You don't know or care about the fuss with Cuba, it's just a cheap place to travel to and has good cigars.13. When there is a social problem, you turn to your government to fix it instead of telling them to stay out of it.14. You're not sure if the leader of our nation has EVER had sex and don't want to more...

Critics berated Canadian officials for creating such fast and treacherous courses for the Olympics.
But I think they did it to show off how good their much-maligned Canadian Health Care system is!

An American supply teacher came to a Canadian class one day. She told the students that she was an American and she asked if anyone else in the room was an American.
Even though not many people in the room were, everyone put up their hand not to be left out, except one girl.
The teacher stared at the girl and asked "If you're not an American, then what are you?" The girl replied, "I'm a proud Canadian."
The teacher asked "Why are you a Canadian?" The girl answered, "Because my parents are both Canadians."
The teacher asked "What if both of your parents are stupid, then what will you be?" The girl answered, "Then I would be an American!"

Two hunters were off on their annual trip to the Canadian wilderness to bag a moose. As the seaplane landed on a lake in a remote area, the pilot said, "I'll be back in one week to pick you up. But only one moose, please." When he returned to the lake, he found the hunters proudly standing beside two moose. "I told you guys only one moose!" the furious flier screamed. "There's no way the plane can take off with that much weight!" "You're just a chicken pilot," one hunter said. "We killed two moose last year and that pilot wasn't afraid to take off." Stung by the suggestion of cowardice, he reconsidered. "All right, if you did it last year, I guess we can try it." They loaded up and the pilot taxied to the far end of the lake to begin his take-off. The plane bounced across the water as it strained to get airborne, but the overloaded aircraft finally ran out of space and crashed into the trees. Some time later, the hunters more...

A childless Canadian couple decided to adopt a Mexican baby. After they got the baby, they decided to enroll in a Spanish class. When asked why, the wife replied, "so that when the baby starts to talk, we'll be able to understand him."

Why do Candadians like to do it `doggie-style`? So they both can watch hockey!!!