Air Force Jokes

The band at Ellsworth Air Force Base, South Dakota, was required to play for all generals who arrived on base. One morning, when the commanding officer heard on the radio that a General Frost was expected just after noon, he sent the band scrambling to the flight line with instruments.One of the musicians had also heard the radio announcement. He took the C.O. aside for a whispered conference. When they returned, the officer told us the performance was canceled.There was no arriving general. We had almost played for the weather forecast.

Airman Jones was assigned to the induction center, where he advised new recruits about their government benefits, especially their GI insurance. It wasn't long before Captain Smith noticed that Airman Jones had almost a 100% record for insurance sales, which had never happened before.Rather than ask about this, the Captain stood in the back of the room and listened to Jones's sales pitch. Jones explained the basics of the GI Insurance to the new recruits, and then said, “If you have GI Insurance and go into battle and are killed, the government has to pay $200,000 to your beneficiaries. If you don't have GI insurance, and you go into battle and get killed, the government only has to pay a maximum of $6000.”“Now,” he concluded, “which bunch do you think they are going to send into battle
first?”

One day, at the dry-cleaning shop of a local Air Force Base, I overheard a young airman describe in great detail how he wanted his uniform cleaned and pressed.When he finished, the counter clerk asked, "Are you getting an award, or do you have an important military function to attend?""Nothing like that," the airman said. "I'm going home on leave, and my little brother is taking me to his second-grade class for show-and-tell."

During the second Gulf War, I was an Air Force colonel. I routinely flew on different aircraft to familiarize myself with their capabilities. One day I was aboard an intelligence aircraft where each crew member was surrounded by complex gear.A young major showed me his computer screen. "That's a chat screen, Sir,"
the soldier said. "We use it to relay enemy information to the crew. It's like instant messaging."Nodding, I moved down the line. Flashing on an airman's screen several feet away was this warning: "Heads up! The colonel's on the way!"

The first salute received by a freshly commissioned Second Lieutenant is always
significant. It's symbolizes authority and prestige. When I pinned on my new Air
Force gold bars and stepped out to face the world, I encountered a staff sergeant. He gave me a snappy salute and said, “Good morning, Lieutenant. Your hat is on backwards, sir.”