80-year-old Jokes

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    Old Men's Bodily Functions

    Hot 10 months ago

    Three men were discussing aging on the steps of the nursing home.

    "Sixty is the worst age to be," said the 60-year-old. "You always feel like you have to pee. And most of the time, you stand at the toilet and nothing comes out!"

    "Ah, that's nothin'," said the 70-year-old. "When you're seventy, you can't take a crap anymore. You take laxatives, eat bran, you sit on the toilet all day and nothin' comes out!"

    "Actually," said the 80-year-old, "Eighty is the worst age of all."

    "Do you have trouble peeing too?" asked the 60-year-old.

    "No...not really. I pee every morning at 6:00 am. I piss like a race horse; no problem at all."

    "Do you have trouble taking a crap?" asked the 70-year-old.

    "Well, not really. I have a great bowel movement every morning at 6:30 am."

    With great exasperation, the 60-year-old more...

    How do you get a sweet little 80-year-old lady to say the F word? Get another sweet little 80-year-old lady to yell *BINGO*!

    An 80-year-old man is having his annual checkup. The doctor asks him how he's feeling. "I've never been better!" he replies. "I've got an 18-year-old bride who's pregnant and having my child! What do you think about that?" The doctor considers this for a moment, then says, "Well, let me tell you a story. I know a guy who's an avid hunter. He never misses a season. But one day he's in a bit of a hurry and he accidentally grabs his umbrella instead of his gun." "So he's in the woods," the doctor continues, "and suddenly a grizzly bear appears in front of him! He raises up his umbrella, points it at the bear, and squeezes the handle. The bear drops dead in front of him, suffering from a bullet wound in his its chest." "That's impossible! Someone else must have shot that bear," the man said. "Exactly."

    An 80-year-old man went to his doctor for his annual check-up. The doctor asks him how he's feeling. The 80-year-old says, "I've never felt better. I now have a 20 year-old bride who is pregnant with my child. What do you think about that?"

    The doctor considers his question for a minute and then begins. "I have an older friend, much like you, who is an avid trophy hunter and never misses a season. One day, when he was going out hunting, he was in a bit of a hurry and accidentally picked up his walking cane instead of his gun. When he got to the creek, he saw a prime beaver sitting beside the stream of water. He raised his cane and went' bang, bang'. Suddenly, two shots rang out and the beaver fell over dead. What do you think of that?"

    The 80-year-old said, "I'd say somebody else pumped a couple of rounds into that beaver."

    The doctor replied, "My point exactly."

    An 80-year-old man is having his annual checkup. The doctor asks him how hes feeling. "Ive never been better!" he replies. "Ive got an 18-year-old bride whos pregnant and having my child! Whatdo you think about that?"The doctor considers this for a moment, then says, "Well, let me tell you a story. I know a guy whos an avid hunter. He never misses a season. But one day hes in a bit of a hurry and he accidentally grabs his umbrella instead of his gun.""So hes in the woods," the doctor continues, "and suddenly a grizzly bear appears in front of him! He raises up his umbrella, points it at the bear, and squeezes the handle. The bear drops dead in front of him, suffering from a bullet wound in his its chest.""Thats impossible! Someone else must have shot that bear," the man said."Exactly."

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