"Panda In A Bar" joke

Hot 1 year ago

A panda walks into a bar, sits down and orders a sandwich.
He eats the sandwich, pulls out a gun and shoots the waiter dead.
As the panda stands up to go, the bartender shouts, "Hey, Where are you going? You just shot my waiter and you didn't pay for your sandwich!"
The panda yells back at the bartender, "Hey man, I'm a Panda! Look it up!"
The bartender opens his dictionary and sees the following definition for panda: "A tree-dwelling marsupial of Asian origin, characterized by distinct black and white coloring. Eats shoots and leaves."

You're so ugly your mom has to tie a roast beef sandwich around your neck to get the dog to play with you.

A guy calls a company and orders their 5-day, 5kg weight loss program.

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One day, little Timmy was at school and heard the word "shit". He went home and asked his dad for the definition and he promptly told him "coats and jackets".
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FIRST TESTIMONY:
I walked into a hair salon with my husband and three kids in tow and
asked loudly, "How much do you charge for a shampoo and a blow job?" I
turned around and walked back out and never went back My husband didn't
say a word...
he more...

Your momma is so fat when she fell in the grand canyon she got stuck half way down.

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Sputnik:Punchline is a rapid fire: I got a fuck for duck, a duck for a fuck, a buck for a duck, and fucked up duck. The joke must fit this. This joke is also my proof of sobriety to my wife.
Funny Joke? 36 vote(s). 67% are positive. 1 comment(s).