"Men & Marriage One-Liners 6" joke

When do you care for a man’s company?
When he owns it.

Why are married women heavier than single women?
Single women come home, see what’s in the fridge and go to bed. Married women come home, see what’s in the bed and go to the fridge.

Why do men have legs?
So their brains don’t drag on the ground.

“You and your husband don’t seem to have an awful lot in common, ” said the new tenant’s neighbor. “Why on earth did you get married? ” “I suppose it was the old business of ‘opposites attract’, ” was the reply. “He wasn’t pregnant and I was. ”

What do an anniversary and a toilet have in common?
Men always miss them.

Man: “Haven’t we met before? ”
Woman: “Yes, I’m the receptionist at the VD Clinic. ”

Why do men like masturbation?
It’s sex with someone they love.

What should you give a man who has everything?
A woman to show him how to work it.

Why do black widow spiders kill their mates after mating?
To stop the snoring before it starts.

How are husbands like lawn mowers?
They’re hard to get started, emit foul odors, and don’t work half the time.

Why can’t men get mad cow disease?
Because men are pigs.

How are tornadoes and marriage alike?
They both begin with a lot of sucking and blowing, and in the end you lose your house.

How can you tell if your wife is dead?
The sex is the same but the dishes pile up.

What’s the definition of a male chauvinist pig?
A man who hates every bone in a woman’s body, except his own.

Why do women pay more attention to their appearance than improving their minds?
Because most men are stupid, but few are blind.

How do you know when your wife is a lousy cook?
She uses the smoke detector as a timer.