"Hear Confessions" joke
A priest getting ready to hear confessions duddenly realized that he desparately had to go to the bathroom. He looked outside the confessional and saw the janitor walking by.
He pulled him aside and said: "Look, I really gotta go to the bathroom, but people are lining up for confession. Could you take over for a few minutes?" The janitor began to protest, but the priest said: "Look, its easy. I have the sins and give them penance. No one will know it's you in there" The janitor agreed and took his place in the confessional.
The first parishioner entered the confessional and began "Bless me father, for I have sinned. I have commited adultery." The janitor looked on the chart and found "Adultery - 20 Hail Mary". He mumbled some forgiveness sounding words and told the parishioner to say 20 Hail Marys. The parishioner thanked him and left. The janitor breathed a sign of relief.
The second parishioner entered the confessional and began "Bless me father, for I have sinned. I have used the Lord's name in vain." The janitor looked down the list "Lord's name in vail - 5 Hail Marys", and assigned them. The janitor thought "Hey, I can do this. I just might get away with it!"
The third parishioner entered and began, "Bless me father, for I have sinned. I have engaged in anal sex." The janitor consulted his chart, but could find neither "Anal Sex" nor "Sex, Anal". He began to get worried. He looked out of the confessional and spied an altar walking by. He motioned the boy over. In a hushed voice, he said "Tell me something kid, what does the priest give for anal sex?". The altar boy looked him quizzically and said, "Well, two twinkies and a glass of milk."
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