"Food quotes and quips" joke
"Artichokes. .. are just plain annoying. .. After all the trouble you go to, you get about as much actual `food` out of eating an artichoke as you would rom licking thirty or forty postage stamps. Have the shrimp cocktail instead." -- Miss Piggy "The most remarkable thing about my mother is that for 30 years she served the family nothing but leftovers. The original meal has never been found." --Sam Levinson "This recipe is certainly silly. It says to separate two eggs, but it doesn`t say how far to separate them." -- Gracie Allen "I`ve been on a constant diet for the last two decades. I`ve lost a total of 789 pounds. By all accounts, I should be hanging from a charm bracelet." -- Erma Bombeck "I told my doctor I get very tired when I go on a diet, so he gave me pep pills. Know what happened? I ate faster." -- Joe E. Lewis "I will not eat oysters. I want my food dead -- not sick, not wounded -- dead." -- Woody Allen "Food is an important part of a balanced diet." -- Fran Lebowitz "Health food makes me sick." -- Calvin Trillin "Watermelon -- it`s a good fruit. You eat, you drink, you wash your face." -- Enrico Caruso "Old people shouldn`t eat health foods. They need all the preservatives they can get." -- Robert Orbe
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