"Even best friends won't tell you" joke
There was once a very prim and proper older lady who had a problem with passing gas. Since she came from a generation when people didn't even talk about this kind of problem it took a long time for her to seek help.
Finally, however, she was persuaded to consult her family doctor
After she filled out all the proper forms and had waited about 20 minutes in the waiting room the doctor called her into his office, leaned back in his chair, folded his hands into a steeple and asked her how he could help
"Doctor," she said, "I have a very bad gas problem."
"A gas problem?" replied the doctor.
"Yes. Yesterday afternoon I had lunch with the Secretary of State and his wife and had six, um, er, ahhh... silent gas emissions. Last night I had dinner with the governor and his wife and had four silent gas emissions
Then, while sitting in your waiting room I had five silent gas emissions! Doctor, you've got to help me! What can we do?
"Well," said the doctor thoughtfully, "I think the first thing we're going to do is give you a hearing test."
Don't knock on Death's door.
Instead, ring the bell and run. Death hates that...
Your moma is like a brick dirty on both sides and laid by mexicans.
your mamma is so fat when she steps on the scales it says one at a time please.
Your momma is so fat when you tell her she has something on her chin she asks which one
Q: What's the worst trick you can do to your blind brother?
A: Leave the plunger in the toilet