"EMPLOYEE PERFORMANCE EVALUATION" joke

Employee Name _______________ Date of Review __________________
KNOWLEDGE:
1. ____ The son of a bitch really knows his shit
2. ____ Knows only enough to be dangerous
3. ____ Only half a brain and is dangerous
4. ____ Brain damaged. His coffee cup has higher I. Q.
ACCURACY:
1. ____ Does excellent work is not preoccupied with women
2. ____ Pretty good; only occasionally blows it out his ass
3. ____ Has to take his shoes off to count higher than ten
4. ____ Couldn't count his balls and get the same number twice
ATTITUDE:
1. ____ Extremely cooperative (Kisses ass frequently)
2. ____ Brown noser in poor standing
3. ____ Often pisses off co-workers; thinks it's his job
4. ____ Doesn't give a shit, never did, never will
RELIABILITY:
1. ____ Really a dependable little cocksucker
2. ____ Can rely on him at evaluation time
3. ____ Can rely on him to be the first one out the fucking door
4. ____ Totally worthless
APPEARANCE:
1. ____ Extremely neat; even combs his pubic hair
2. ____ Looks great at evaluation time
3. ____ Dirty, filthy, smelly son of a bitch
4. ____ Flies leave fresh dog shit to follow him
PERFORMANCE:
1. ____ Goes like a son of a bitch, if there is money in it for him
2. ____ Does Ok around evaluation time
3. ____ Works only if kicked in the ass every two minutes
4. ____ Couldn't do less work if he were in a coma
LEADERSHIP:
1. ____ Carries chain saw and gets good results
2. ____ Occasionally gets told to get screwed
3. ____ Mother Theresa tells him to get screwed
4. ____ Couldn't lead a pack of hungry wolves to meat
I understand I have been evaluated and know my rights under the Privacy Act of 1969. I further acknowledge I am as screwed up as a football bat and will attempt to correct my deficiencies.
EMPLOYEE SIGNATURE ________________________
MANAGER SIGNATURE ________________________