"Drunk In A Hotel" joke
At 3 am a desk clerk at a hotel gets a call from a drunk guy asking what time the bar opens.
"It opens at noon," answers the clerk.
About an hour later he gets a call from the same guy, sounding even drunker.
"What time does the bar open?" he asks.
"Same time as before... Noon," replies the clerk.
Another hour passes and he calls again, plastered, "Whatjoo shay the bar opins at?"
The clerk then answers, "It opens at noon, but if you can't wait, I can have room service send something up to you."
"No... I don't wanna git in... Ah wanna git OUT!!!"
One day a man from Alabama comes to Georgia to get an education. He goes to the first professor he sees and says, “What can you teach me?”
Shocked, the professor answers, “Well, I can teach you about the power of reasoning.”
With a questioned look on more...
A guy says to his friend, "I can't remember if the doctor told me my wife has AIDS or Alzheimer's."
His friend says, "It's simple. Drive her to the other side of town. If she finds her way home, don't fuck her."
A cop pulled a guy over for speeding at which time the following conversation was exchanged:
Cop: May I see your driver's license?
Driver: Sorry, I don't have one. It was suspended when I got my 5th DUI.
Cop: May I see the owner's card for the more...