"Difference Between Republicans and Democrats" joke
A Republican and a Democrat were walking down the street when they
came to a homeless person. The Republican gave the homeless person his
business card and told him to come to his business for a job. He then
took twenty dollars out of his pocket and gave it to the homeless
person.
The Democrat was very impressed, and when they came to another
homeless person, he decided to help. He walked over to the homeless
person and gave him directions to the welfare office. He then reached
into the Republican's pocket and gave the homeless person fifty
dollars.
Now you understand the difference between Republicans and Democrats
A lawyer died and arrived at the Pearly Gates. Saint Peter asked him, "What have you done to merit entrance into Heaven?"
The lawyer thought a moment, then said, "A week ago, I gave a quarter to a homeless person on the street."
Saint Peter asked more...
This homeless guy walks into a bar and says, "Gimme whiskey."
The bartender says, "I'll have to see your money first."
"I'm broke, sonny, but if you give me a bottle of whiskey, I'll get up on that stage and fart more...