Unzipped Jokes / Recent Jokes
Top Ten Ways to Tell Someone Their Fly is Unzipped...
1. The cucumber has left the salad.
2. Someone tore down the wall, and your Pink Floyd is hanging out.
3. Your soldier ain't so unknown now.
4. Quasimodo needs to go back in the tower and tend to his bells.
5. Elvis Junior has LEFT the building!
6. Mini Me is making a break for the escape pod.
7. You've got your fly set for "Monica" instead of "Hillary".
8. You've got a security breach at Los Pantalones.
9. I'm talking about Shaft, can you dig it?
10. Men are From Mars, women can see Your Penis
This guy had been ship wrecked on a deserted island for over 11 years. One day as he was walking down the beach he thought he saw someone. He wasn't sure, but as he got closer he realized that it was a woman. A beautiful woman wearing a zippered jump suit.
He was shocked! As he approached he called out to her, and asked how she got there. She stated that she had been shipwrecked.
He couldn't believe his luck.
She unzipped a front pocket and pulled out a pack of cigarettes. She asked "How long has it been since you had one of these?"
And offered him one.
Then she asked if he was was thirsty. He said sure. So she unzipped the right pocket zipper and pulled out 2 drinks.
By now this guy was really excited. This was great! Then she asked if he was hungry. He said "you Bet!" And from the left zipper pocket she pulled out 2 cheeseburgers.
Then as she slowly started unzipping a long zipper down the side of her jump suit, she asked" And how more...
A priest and a nun were lost in a snowstorm. After a while, they came upon a small cabin. Being exhausted, they prepared to go to sleep. There was a stack of blankets and a sleeping bag on the floor but only one bed.
Being a gentleman, the priest said, "Sister, you sleep on the bed. I'll sleep on the floor in the sleeping bag." Just as he got zipped up in the bag and was beginning to fall asleep, the nun said "Father, I'm cold."
He unzipped the sleeping bag, got up, got the blanket and put it on her. Once again, he got into the sleeping bag, zipped it up and started to drift off to sleep when the nun once again said, "Father, I'm still very cold." He unzipped the bag, got up again, put another blanket on her and got into the sleeping bag once again.
Just as his eyes closed, she said, "Father, I'm sooooocold." This time, he remained there and said, "Sister, I have an idea. We're out herein the wilderness where no one will ever more...
An old farmer went to town to see a movie. The ticket agent asked, "Sir, what's that on your shoulder?"The old farmer said, "That's my pet rooster Chucky, wherever I go, Chucky goes.""I'm sorry sir.", said the ticket agent, "We don't allow animals in the theater."The old farmer went around the corner and stuffed the bird down his pants. He returned to the booth, bought a ticket and entered the theater. He sat down next to two old widows named Mildred and Marge. The movie started and the rooster began to squirm. The old farmer unzipped his pants so Chucky could stick his head out and watch the movie."Marge", whispered Mildred."What", said Marge."I think this guy next to me is a pervert.", said Mildred."What makes you think that", asked Marge."He unzipped his pants and he has his thing out", whispered Mildred."Well, don't worry about it", said Marge, "At our age we've seen them more...
Upon serving the passengers their in-flight snacks, one attendant
attempted with utmost professional delicacy to communicate with the least risk of embarrassment to the passenger that his pants were unzipped. "Sir, your garage door is open", she whispered.
Several times during the flight she attempted to inform him of his condition but her delicacy was lost on this dumb schmuck until of course he revisited the bathroom and realized that he'd been exposed throughout the entire flight.
Realizing now what she had been trying to tell him, he became livid with humiliation. If she had just said his pants were unzipped in' plain english' he'd have been spared the embarrassment of having been in flight almost 8 hours in that condition.
"Garage door" eh! Well, two can play that game he said to himself. I'll show her.
Returning to his seat he waited for that quiet moment when he could be sure that most everyone around him could hear the exchange and more...
Tom's dream was to marry a sweet, innocent virgin. He'd been going with Jane for a few months, when he decided to test her. As they drove along in the car, he unzipped his fly, turned to her and said, "Do you want to see my wee-wee?" She yelled, "No! No! Please zip up your fly!"Instead of being annoyed, Tom was happy. On the eve of their engagement to be married, he tried the same thing, with the same result. Finally, on their wedding night, they were alone in the hotel room when he unzipped his fly again and said to her, "Honey, now that we're married you can now look at what I've got here," and proceeded to take out his dick. She looked at it and said, "Oh, what a sweet looking wee-wee!"Tom said, "No darling--you don't have to call it a wee-wee anymore; you can call it a cock." She looked at it a while and then said, "No, Tom, what you have' is' a wee-wee." A' cock' is long, thick, and black!!!
In downtown Roanoke, at a crowded bus stop, a good friend of mine was waiting for her bus. She's very attractive and was decked out in a tight leather mini skirt with matching tight leather boots and jacket. As the bus rolled up and it became her turn to get on, she became aware that her skirt was too tight to allow her leg to come up to the height of the first step on the bus.
Slightly embarrassed and with a quick smile to the bus driver she reached behind her and unzipped her skirt a little thinking that this would give her enough slack to raise her leg. Again she tried to make the step onto the bus only to discover she still couldn't!
So, a little more embarrassed she once again reached behind her and unzipped her skirt a little more and for a second time attempted the step and once again, much to her chagrin she could not raise her leg because of the tight skirt.
So, with a coy little smile to the driver she again unzipped the offending skirt to give a little more more...