Tourist Jokes / Recent Jokes

A tourist was being led through the swamps of Florida. "Is it true," he asked, "that an alligator won't attack you if you carry a flashlight?" "That depends," replied the guide, "on how fast you carry the flashlight."

A tourist wanders into a back-alley antique shop in San Francisco’s Chinatown. Picking through the objects on display he discovers a detailed, life-sized bronze sculpture of a rat. The sculpture is so interesting and unique that he picks it up and asks the shop owner what it costs.

"Twelve dollars for the rat, sir," says the shop owner, "and a thousand dollars more for the story behind it."

"You can keep the story, old man," he replies, "but I’ll take the rat."

The transaction complete, the tourist leaves the store with the bronze rat under his arm. As he crosses the street in front of the store, two live rats emerge from a sewer drain and fall into step behind him. Nervously looking over his shoulder, he begins to walk faster, but every time he passes another sewer drain, more rats come out and follow him. By the time he’s walked two blocks, at least a hundred rats are at his heels, and people begin to more...

A Tourist was driving down a country road in Kentucky when he saw a little boy walking down the road with only one shoe on.
He stopped and said, "What's the matter son? Did you lose a shoe?"
The boy says, "Nope! Just found one."

Read in a Turkish newspaper:
A tourist goes to the pole, and meets an Eskimo.
"During the summer you don't have any nights, and during the winter
you don't have any days... What do you do during that endless summer
day?" he asks.
"We go fishing, and make love to our women," the Eskimo replies.
The tourist thinks a while, and asks another question:
"Then, what do you do during that endless winter night?"
Eskimo grins:
"We don't go fishing..."

Tourist: Whats the speed limit in this hick town? Native: We dont have one. You strangers cant get out of here fast enough for us.

A pretty but curious young American tourist found herself in conversation with a ruggedly handsome, middle-aged Scot at a cocktail party. "Excuse my bluntness," she said, "but is anything worn under your kilt?"

"Nay, lassie," he replied with a grin. "It's as good as it ever was."

A tourist asks a man in uniform, "Are you a policeman?" "No, I am an undercover detective." "So why are you in uniform?" "Today is my day off."