Squirrel Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    A really bad car joke

    Hot 1 year ago

    There were 3 bees, a squirrel and a man in a car.They were driving along a country lane and the car broke down.

    The first bee said, " dont worry ill give us a few extra miles by peeing in the tank",
    it worked, for a couple of miles that is until they broke down again. And so the second bee decided to do the same as the first bee, but this lasted another couple of miles until they broke down again, so the third bee did exactly the same.Then finally the car broke down.

    The squirrel said " I'll pee in the tank"

    The man replied, sorry mate, this car only runs on BP.

    --
    Editor's note: Sound it out if you don't get it. If you still don't get it, I wouldn't bother trying...

    Cow and Her Apples

    Hot 7 months ago

    A squirrel is chillin' in a tree when a cow climbs up and sits next to him.
    "Whatcha doin' here?" asks the squirrel.
    "I'm here to eat some apples."
    "But this is a pine tree!"
    "I know. I brought my own apples."

    I Said the F Word

    Hot 11 months ago

    A guy goes to his local church during the week to see the priest and confess his sins. He goes into the confessional box and says, "Father during the week I said the F-word."
    The priest says, "Well my son, say 3 Hail Mary's and your sins will be forgiven."
    The guy however was quite eager to explain to the priest why he had used the F-word and grudgingly the priest agreed to listen to his explanation.
    "Well I was playing golf last Sunday instead of coming to church," said the guy.
    "Is that why you said the F-word?" the priest asked.
    "No," the guy replied. "I was on the first tee and I duck hooked my drive into this terrible rough."
    "Is that why you said the F-word?" the priest asked.
    "No," the guy replied getting quite annoyed with the constant interruptions to his story. "My ball took a lucky kick out of the rough and I was left with a perfect shot to the more...

    Deep in the woods sat a bear and a squirrel at the communal latrine. "Hmmm" says the bear to the squirrel, "Do you find that shit tends to stick to your fur?"
    "Yes it does" replies the squirrel.
    "Great!" says the bear, and wipes his ass with the squirrel.

    The world's most incredibly lazy man found a magic lamp. He rubbed it and a genie appeared and granted him three wishes. He wished for a horse, a sumo wrestler and a squirrel.

    "They're yours, but what are they for?" the genie asked.

    "I'm tired of walking everywhere--I want to just ride the horse. The sumo wrestler is so that I won't have to work to get on the horse."

    "But the squirrel?" asked the genie.

    "I need something to go' click-click' to start the horse!!!"

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