Spielberg Jokes

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    Joke mania (parental Advisory: explicit)

    Hot 11 months agoby

    WARNING: must be 18+ this contains material innapropiate for children

    Steven Spielberg was busy discussing his new action adventure about famous classical composers. Bruce Willis, Sylvester Stallone and Arnold Schwarzenegger were in the room. "Who do you want to play?" Spielberg asked Bruce Willis. "I've always been a big fan of Chopin," said Bruce. "I'll play him." "And you, Sylvester?" asked Spielberg. "Mozart's the one for me!" said Sly. "And what about you?" Spielberg asked Arnold Schwarzenegger. "I'll be Bach," said Arnie
    Mickey Mouse is having a nasty divorce with Minnie Mouse. Mickey spoke to the judge about the separation.  "I'm sorry Mickey, but I can't legally separate you two on the grounds that Minnie is mentally insane..." Mickey replied, "I didn't say she was mentally insane, I said that she's fucking goofy!
    A guy walks into a bar with a pet alligator by his side. more...

    Spielberg's New Project

    Hot 8 months ago

    Steven Spielberg was discussing his newest project - an action docudrama about famous composers, starring top movie stars. Sylvester Stallone, Steven Seagal, Bruce Willis, and Arnold Schwarzenegger were all being courted for the top roles.
    Hoping to have the box office "oomph" of these superstars, Spielberg was prepared to allow them to select the composers they would portray, providing they were among the most famous.
    "I have always admired Mozart," declared Stallone. "I would really love to play him."
    "I have always been partial to Strauss and his waltzes," stated Seagal. "He is the one I would like to play."
    "Chopin has always been my favorite and my image would improve if people saw me playing the piano," Willis said. "I'll play him."
    Spielberg was very pleased with these choices. "Sounds splendid," he said. Then, turning to Schwarzenegger, he asked, "Well Arnold, who would you more...

    A Chinese man walked into a pub in New York with his pal.
    He says to his pal, "Hey! That's Jurassic Park Director, Steven Spielberg over there! God, I wish he'll come over to say hi".
    Spielberg suddenly walked over and gave the man a heavy punch on the nose.
    "Hey! What's that for?!"
    "You bloody Japanese killed my granddad when you bombed Pearl Harbour!"
    "I'm not Japanese! I'm Chinese!"
    "Chinese, Vietnamese, Japanese, you're all the same!"
    Spielberg walks back.
    The Chinese man calmly walks over and gives Spielberg a really heavy punch on the face.
    "What... !?!"
    "No, no, an iceberg sank the Titanic!"
    "Iceberg, Carlsberg, Spielberg, you're all the same!"

    Chinese man vs Speilberg

    Hot 4 years ago

    A Chinese man walks into a bar in America late one night and he sees
    Steven Spielberg.
    As he was a great fan of his movies, he rushes over to him, and asks for his autograph.
    Instead, Spielberg gives him a slap and says, "You Chinese people
    bombed our Pearl Habour, get outta here."
    The astonished Chinese man
    replied, "It was not the Chinese who bombed your Pearl Harbour, it was the Japanese".
    "Chinese, Japanese, Taiwanese your all the same," replied Spielberg.
    In return, the Chinese man gives Spielberg a slap and says, "You sank the Titanic, my forefathers were on that ship."
    Shocked, Spielberg replies, "It
    was the iceberg that sank the ship, not me."
    The Chinese man, replies,
    "Iceberg, Spielberg, Carsberg, you're all the same."

    Once again, as a service to the readers of the Politics list,
    I submitted the following as an article in the Virtual World
    News (our very own Electronic Tabloid Paper, run by me.)
    "Don't read anything else.
    We really mean it."
    The cushiony king of children's public television says his life hasn't been
    as soft as it may appear. Barney T. Dinosaur, in an emotional press conference
    last week, admitted that his upbringing at the hooves of other dinosaurs
    was a harrowing experience.
    "Nobody liked me," the star said, as he filed a formal lawsuit against
    Steven Spielberg and various persons and institutions involved with
    the making of the film "Jurassic Park." The suit contends that Barney,
    as the last surviving member of the species is entitled to be more...

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