Schwarzenegger Jokes

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    Joke mania (parental Advisory: explicit)

    Hot 11 months agoby

    WARNING: must be 18+ this contains material innapropiate for children

    Steven Spielberg was busy discussing his new action adventure about famous classical composers. Bruce Willis, Sylvester Stallone and Arnold Schwarzenegger were in the room. "Who do you want to play?" Spielberg asked Bruce Willis. "I've always been a big fan of Chopin," said Bruce. "I'll play him." "And you, Sylvester?" asked Spielberg. "Mozart's the one for me!" said Sly. "And what about you?" Spielberg asked Arnold Schwarzenegger. "I'll be Bach," said Arnie
    Mickey Mouse is having a nasty divorce with Minnie Mouse. Mickey spoke to the judge about the separation.  "I'm sorry Mickey, but I can't legally separate you two on the grounds that Minnie is mentally insane..." Mickey replied, "I didn't say she was mentally insane, I said that she's fucking goofy!
    A guy walks into a bar with a pet alligator by his side. more...

    Spielberg's New Project

    Hot 8 months ago

    Steven Spielberg was discussing his newest project - an action docudrama about famous composers, starring top movie stars. Sylvester Stallone, Steven Seagal, Bruce Willis, and Arnold Schwarzenegger were all being courted for the top roles.
    Hoping to have the box office "oomph" of these superstars, Spielberg was prepared to allow them to select the composers they would portray, providing they were among the most famous.
    "I have always admired Mozart," declared Stallone. "I would really love to play him."
    "I have always been partial to Strauss and his waltzes," stated Seagal. "He is the one I would like to play."
    "Chopin has always been my favorite and my image would improve if people saw me playing the piano," Willis said. "I'll play him."
    Spielberg was very pleased with these choices. "Sounds splendid," he said. Then, turning to Schwarzenegger, he asked, "Well Arnold, who would you more...


    Hot 6 years ago

    The movie producer was planning his next blockbuster - an action docudrama about famous composers. So he set up a meeting with Jean-Claude Van Damme, Sylvester Stallone and Arnold Schwarzenegger and offered them the chance to select which famous musicians they'd portray.
    "Chopin has always been my favorite," said Van Damme. "That's the part for me."
    "I've always admired Mozart," Stallone said. "I'd love to play him."
    The producer turned to Schwarzenegger. "And you, Arnold? Who do you want to be?"
    There was a long silence, then he replied, "I'll be Bach."

    Movie Name and description:
    Total Recall - What Arnold Schwarzenegger did to Former CA Gov. Grey Davis.
    Kindergarten Cop - What Californians want Arnold to be to the CA legislators.
    True Lies - What our legislators say.
    Jingle all the Way - The sound of the special interest legislator's deep pockets.
    Collateral Damage - What Former CA Gov. Grey Davis called the budget deficit he made.
    Terminator - What CA needs.
    End of Days - What will happen to the legislators if they don't pass a budget.
    Predator - What Former Gov. Grey Davis campaign fundraising skills are called.
    Last Action Hero - This Gov. really did save a person's life.
    Raw Deal - What the Dems are giving Arnold.
    The Running Man - Run Arnold, the Legislators are scary people

    Senator Hillary Clinton was attending a party, when she noticed Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger. She walked over to him, and in a quiet voice said, "If you were my husband I would poison your drink." Schwarzenegger smiled, leaned forward, and whispered in her ear, "And if you were my wife I would drink it."

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