Willis Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    Joke mania (parental Advisory: explicit)

    Hot 8 months agoby
    IKICKASS

    WARNING: must be 18+ this contains material innapropiate for children

    Steven Spielberg was busy discussing his new action adventure about famous classical composers. Bruce Willis, Sylvester Stallone and Arnold Schwarzenegger were in the room. "Who do you want to play?" Spielberg asked Bruce Willis. "I've always been a big fan of Chopin," said Bruce. "I'll play him." "And you, Sylvester?" asked Spielberg. "Mozart's the one for me!" said Sly. "And what about you?" Spielberg asked Arnold Schwarzenegger. "I'll be Bach," said Arnie
    Mickey Mouse is having a nasty divorce with Minnie Mouse. Mickey spoke to the judge about the separation.  "I'm sorry Mickey, but I can't legally separate you two on the grounds that Minnie is mentally insane..." Mickey replied, "I didn't say she was mentally insane, I said that she's fucking goofy!
    A guy walks into a bar with a pet alligator by his side. more...

    Spielberg's New Project

    Hot 4 months ago

    Steven Spielberg was discussing his newest project - an action docudrama about famous composers, starring top movie stars. Sylvester Stallone, Steven Seagal, Bruce Willis, and Arnold Schwarzenegger were all being courted for the top roles.
    Hoping to have the box office "oomph" of these superstars, Spielberg was prepared to allow them to select the composers they would portray, providing they were among the most famous.
    "I have always admired Mozart," declared Stallone. "I would really love to play him."
    "I have always been partial to Strauss and his waltzes," stated Seagal. "He is the one I would like to play."
    "Chopin has always been my favorite and my image would improve if people saw me playing the piano," Willis said. "I'll play him."
    Spielberg was very pleased with these choices. "Sounds splendid," he said. Then, turning to Schwarzenegger, he asked, "Well Arnold, who would you more...

    A farm boy accidentally overturned his wagonload of corn.
    The farmer who lived nearby heard the noise and yelled over to the boy, "Hey Willis, forget your troubles! Come in and visit with us. I'll help you get the wagon up later."
    "That's mighty nice of you," Willis answered, "but I don't think Pa would like me to."
    "Aw come on boy," the farmer insisted.
    "Well okay," the boy finally agreed, and added, "But Pa won't like it."
    After a hearty dinner, Willis thanked his host. "I feel a lot better now, but I know Pa is going to be real upset."
    "Don't be foolish!" the neighbor said with a smile. "By the way, where is he?"
    "Under the wagon!"

    A farm boy accidentally overturned a wagonload of corn. A farmer, who lived nearby, heard the noise and yelled to the boy, "Hey, Willis, forget your troubles and come in for a visit. I'll help you pick the wagon up later."
    "That's mighty nice of you," Willis answered, "but Pa wouldn't like me to."
    "Aw, come on, boy," the farmer insisted.
    "Well, OK" the boy finally agreed, "but Pa won't like it."
    After a hearty dinner, Willis thanked his host. "I feel a lot better now, but I know Pa is going to be real upset."
    "Don't be foolish," the neighbor said with a smile; "by the way, where is he?"
    "Under the wagon," replied the boy.

    A farm boy accidentally overturned his wagonload of corn. The farmer who lived nearby heard the noise and yelled over to the boy, "Hey Willis, forget your troubles! Come in and visit with us. I'll help you get the wagon up later."
    "That's mighty nice of you," Willis answered, "but I don't think Pa would like me to."
    "Aw come on boy," the farmer insisted.
    "Well okay," the boy finally agreed, and added, "but Pa won't like it."
    After a hearty dinner, Willis thanked his host. "I feel a lot better now, but I know Pa is going to be real upset."
    "Don't be foolish!" the neighbor said with a smile. "By the way, where is he?"
    "Under the wagon!"

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