Plane Jokes / Recent Jokes

The Pope, a hippie, and George Bush were all on a plane that was crashing. The pilots had already jumped to safety and there were only two parachutes left. Without a moment's hesitation, Bush grabbed a pack, yelled "I'm the most powerful man in the universe! I have to survive!", and jumped from the plane.
The Pope, being the generous man that he is, said to the hippie, "You go ahead and take the last parachute. I'm an old man and I have lived a very full life."
The hippie thanked the Pope but said, "Don't worry - we'll both be fine. The most powerful man in the universe just jumped off the plane with my backpack."

The United Airline's passenger cabin was being served by an obviously gay flight attendant who seemed to put everyone into a good mood as he served them food and drinks. As the plane prepared to descend, he came swishing down the aisle and announced to the passengers, "Captain Marvey has asked me to announce that he'll be landing the big scary plane shortly, lovely people, so if you could just put up your trays, that would be super." On his trip back up the aisle, he noticed that a well-dressed, rather exotic looking woman hadn't moved a muscle. "Perhaps you didn't hear me over those big brute engines. I asked you to raise your trazy-poo so the main man can pitty-pat us on the ground." She calmly turned her head and said, "In my country, I am called a Princess. I take orders from no one." To which the flight attendant replied, without missing a beat, "Well, sweet-cheeks, in my country, I'm called a Queen, so I outrank you. Now put the tray up, more...

There was a Scottish man, an English man and an Indian man all on a plane. The pilot said, on my count press the red parachute button. So the Scottish man survived as he pressed the button,then the English man survived as he also pressed the red button. Finally the Indian man died as his red button was on his forehead!! ITS NOT WORKING he yelled as he fell to the ground!

Britney spears craig david and shaggy were on a plane and someone farts craig david says i'm walking away shaggy says it wasint me and britney spears says opp's i did it again
the next day they are on a plane and someone farts shaggy says it wasnt me craig david says i;m walking away and britney spears says stronger than yesterday.

1. Every takeoff is optional. Every landing is mandatory.
2. If you push the stick forward, the houses get bigger. If you pull the stick back, they get smaller. That is, unless you keep pulling the stick all the way back, then they get bigger again.
3. Flying isn't dangerous. Crashing is what's dangerous.
4. It's always better to be down here wishing you were up there than up there wishing you were down here.
5. The ONLY time you have too much fuel is when you're on fire.
6. The propeller is just a big fan in front of the plane used to keep the pilot cool. Because when it stops, you can actually watch the pilot start sweating.
7. When in doubt, hold on to your altitude. No one has ever collided with the sky.
8. A 'good' landing is one from which you can walk away. A 'great' landing is one after which they can use the plane again.
9. Learn from the mistakes of others. You won't live long enough to make all of them yourself.
10. You know you've landed more...

A man is sitting in a plane which is about to take off when another man with a dog occupies the empty seats alongside. The dog takes the middle seat, and his handler explains that they work for the airline. "Don't mind Rover," the handler says, "he is a sniffer dog, the best there is. I'll show you once we get airborne and I set him to work." The plane takes off and levels out when the handler says to the first man, "Watch this." He tells the dog, "Rover, search!" The dog jumps down, walks along the aisle and sits next to a woman for a few seconds. It then returns to its seat and puts one paw on the handler's arm. He says, "Good boy!" He turns to the first man and says, "That woman is in possession of marijuana, so I'm making a note of this, and the seat number, for the police who will apprehend her on arrival." "Fantastic!" replies the first man. Once again he sends the dog to search the aisles. The dog sniffs more...

Bush, Jean Chretien, the Pope and an eight year old girl are in a plane. Suddenly, the pilot says that plane has some malfunctions and they have to jump out. There were only three parachutes so Bush grabs one, puts it on and says "I am an important person, the American people depend on me!" and jumped. Jean Chretien picks one up and says "I am an important person, the Canadian people depend on me!" and jumped. The Pope turns to the little girl and says "You jump. I have lived my life!" But the little girl says "We can both jump, Jean Chretien jumped with my backpack!"