Finale Jokes

1> For kicks, sticks roman candle in empty eye socket and chases kids around.

2> Insists on humming the "Mission Impossible" theme every time he lights a fuse.

3> He wants to know if he can "borrow" your dog for the finale.

4> Offers 20% discount if Salman Rushdie attends your event.

5> Tied a monkey to a skyrocket "so's I can get me a grant from NASA!"

6> Theme of the fireworks display: "The Jihad Against the Beer Swilling Pigs Begins"

7> He finally shows up on July 6th smelling like a refinery.

8> Big 4th of July show ends with 50-foot tall sparkling message: "Happy Bar Mitzvah, Howie Goldfarb."

9> Asks if he should shoot off Quaker Puffed Rice or Oats when the 1812 Overture begins.

10> The punk he keeps trying to light has orange hair and a nose ring.

11> Wants to synchronize the 4th of July display to Jimmy Buffett's more...