Delivery Jokes / Recent Jokes

My sister gave birth in a state-of-the-art delivery room. It was so high tech that the baby came out cordless!

What to do With Hotel Soap

The following letters were taken from an actual incident
between a London hotel and one of its guests.

Dear Maid,
Please do not leave any more of those little bars of soap in my bathroom
since I have brought my own bath-sized Dial. Please remove the six
unopened little bars from the shelf under the medicine chest and another
three in the shower soap dish. They are in my way.
Thank you,
S. Berman
Dear Room 635,
I am not your regular maid. She will be back tomorrow, Thursday, from her
day off. I took the 3 hotel soaps out of the shower soap dish as you
requested. The 6 bars on your shelf I took out of your way and put on top
of your Kleenex dispenser in case you should change your mind. This
leaves only the 3 bars I left today which my instructions from the
management is to leave 3 soaps daily. I hope this is satisfactory.

Kathy, Relief Maid

Dear more...

Deep in the back woods of Kentucky, a redneck's wife went into labor in the middle of the night and the doctor was called to help with the delivery.
Since there was no electricity, the doctor handed the father-to-be a lantern and said, "Hold this lantern high so I can see what I'm doing." A short time later, a baby girl was delivered.
"Hold on now, don't be so quick to put that lantern down," the doctor said, "I think there's yet another one to come."
Sure enough, within minutes, he had delivered another baby girl.
"Land sakes, son," exclaimed the doctor, "don't be in such a hurry to put that lantern down. It looks like there's still another one in there!"
The redneck scratched his head in bewilderment and asked, "Doc, does ya think it's the light that's attractin' em?"

An American businessman goes to Japan on a business trip, but he hates Japanese food, so he asks the concierge at his hotel if there's any place around where he can get American food.
The concierge tells him he's in luck, there's a pizza place that just opened, and they deliver. The concierge gives the businessman the phone number, he goes back to his room and orders a pizza.
Thirty minutes later, the delivery guy shows up at the door with the pizza.
The businessman takes the pizza, and starts sneezing uncontrollably. He asks the delivery man, "What the heck did you put on this pizza?"
The delivery man bows deeply and says, "We put on pizza what you order: pepper only."

One day, a bus driver is on his route, when he runs across a delivery van stranded at the side of the road. The van driver, who works for the zoo, pleads with the bus driver to do him a favor.He offers a $100 bill to the bus driver to help him deliver a truckload of penguins to the zoo. Agreeing, the bus driver proceeds to load two dozen penguins onto his bus. Then, off they drive towards the zoo.An hour later, the delivery driver gets his van fixed and heads off to the zoo to catch up with his delivery. As he'sdriving down the road, he sees the bus driver and the busload of penguins heading in the oppositedirection. He turns his van around and chases him, catches up to the bus and pulls over them onto the side of the road. He asks the bus driver, "I thought I gave you a $100 dollars to go and take thepenguins to the zoo for me!""Calm down," the bus driver says, "I took the penguins to the zoo. We had change left over, so now I'm taking them to the more...

This delivery driver carries no money. His wife has it all. We in the industry know that behind every successful screenwriter stands a woman. And behind her stands his wife. -- Groucho MarxWe must respect the other fellow's religion, but only in the sense and to the extent that we respect his theory that his wife is beautiful and his children smart. -- H. L. MenckenWhat's new? Most of my wife. When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her. -- GuitryWhen marriage is outlawed, only outlaws will have inlaws. Why bother with marriage? Just find a woman you hate and buy her a house. Wife: The perfect acquisition for any gentleman feeling himself to have excessive control over his personal affairs. You will marry into an Indian tribe and become one big Hopi family.

A college pizza delivery boy arrived at the house of Larry Johnson. He delivered the pizza to his trailer. After giving it to him, Larry asked: “What is the usual tip? ”
“Well, ” replied the youth, “this is my first trip here, but the other guys say if I get a quarter out of you, I’ll be doing great. ” “Is that so? ” snorted Larry. “Well, just to show them how wrong they are, here’s five dollars. ”
“Thanks, ” replied the youth, “I’ll put this in my school fund. ”
“What are you studying in school? ” asked Larry.
The lad smiled and said: “Applied psychology. ”