Crew Jokes / Recent Jokes
One morning a local highway department crew reaches their job-site and realizes they have forgotten all their shovels.
The crew's foreman radios the office and tells his supervisor the situation.
The supervisor radios back and says, "Don't worry, we'll send some shovels... just lean on each other until they arrive."
This is truly a heartwarming story about the bond formed between a little girl and some construction workers. This makes you want to believe in the goodness of people and that there is hope for the human race.
A young family moved into a house next door to a vacant lot. One day a construction crew turned up to start building a house on the empty lot.
The young family's 5-year-old daughter naturally took an interest in all the activity going on next door and started talking with the workers.
She hung around and eventually the construction crew, all of them gems-in-the-rough, more or less adopted her as a kind of project mascot. They chatted with her, let her sit with them while they had coffee and lunch breaks, and gave her little jobs to do here and there to make her feel important. At the end of the first week they even presented her with a pay envelope containing a dollar.
The little girl took this home to her mother who said all the appropriate words of admiration more...
Ordering Earl Grey tea from the computer, then smacking himself on the forehead and saying "I could have had a V-8!"
Yelling "Punchbuggy!" and hitting Riker's arm whenever he sees a shuttle craft
Screwing around in the holodeck when he ought to be on the bridge
Spotlighting unsuspecting crew members with the glare from his forehead
Lecturing everybody on why it's rude to fire the phasers at other life-forms
Sending crank subspace messages to Starfleet Command asking if Dick Hertz is there
Asking Beverly Crusher to come to his quarters so he can show her "a REAL Picard Maneuver"
Ticking off Romulan commanders during tense confrontations in the Neutral Zone by asking "Are those Bugle Boy jeans you're wearing?"
Telling crew members in menacing, Dirty Harry voice, "Go ahead, Make it so"
Putting banana peels on the transporter pads just before an away team beams back up
The driver of a huge trailer lost control of his rig, plowed into an empty toll booth and smashed it to pieces. He climbed down from the wreckage and within a matter of minutes, a truck pulled up and discharged a crew of workers.
The men picked up each broken piece of the former tollbooth and spread some kind of creamy substance on it. Then they began fitting the pieces together. In less than a half hour, they had the entire tollbooth reconstructed and looking good as new.
"Astonishing!" the truck driver said to the crew chief. "What was the white stuff you used to get all the pieces together?"
The crew chief said, "Oh, that was tollgate booth paste."
A 17th Century captain was sailing along with his crew when a pirate ship came over the horizon. The captain says, "Cabin boy, get me my red shirt." So, he gets his red shirt and they victoriously battle the pirates. Several days later, they spot another pirate ship off the port bow. "Cabin boy," says the captain "get me my red shirt." They again battle the pirates and are victorious. Later when things had settled down, the cabin boy asks, "Captain, why do you always want your red shirt just prior to battle?" The captain responds, "Well, in case I am inflicted with a wound, I don't want the crew to see my injury and lose spirit." "I see," says the cabin boy. A few days later, they sight 20 pirate in the distance the captain yells out, "Cabin boy, get me my brown pants."
Long ago lived a seaman named Captain Bravo. He was a manly man who showed no fear in facing his enemies. One day, while sailing the seven seas, a look-out spotted a pirate ship and the crew became frantic. Captain Bravo bellowed,' 'Bring me my Red Shirt.'' The First Mate quickly retrieved the captain's red shirt and whilst wearing the bright red frock he led his men into battle and defeated the pirates.
Later on that day, the look-out spotted not one, but two pirate ships. The captain again called for his red shirt and once again, though the fighting was fierce, he was victorious over the two ships. That evening, all the men sat around on the deck recounting the day's triumphs and one of the them asked the captain,' 'Sir, why do you call for your red shirt before battle? The captain replied,' 'If I am wounded in the attack, the shirt will not show my blood and thus, you men will continue to fight, unafraid.''
All of the men sat in more...
The Grand Prix was in full swing, the cars hurtling round the track at death-defying speeds.
The German driver pulled in and his pit crew had his car finished and out on the track again in eight seconds.
The Italian driver came in and his pit crew changed his tyres, refuelled the car and repaired his carby all in 11 seconds!
The Aussie car came in. They told him to bring it in on Thursday, leave the keys and they'd get back to him with a quote.